I fucking fail at only watching something once. Like, I try, because I don’t have a lot of free time on my hands, and quite frankly I need to be doing other things, besides getting involved in more television.
But when I saw that I was going to find out why Justin Hartley got divorced, I sat down, popped an edible and was like LET’S DO THIS. But as I watched the third season premiere and the edible kicked in, I found myself pressing stop and starting from the beginning.
And let me just start this by saying, I love DRAMA. I will tell you that I don’t, but anyone who says that they don’t love drama is a bold face liar. We’re just telling you what we think we should. But we love it.
We thrive off it.
And this show is all about the drama. It’s all about the hot fucking mess. It’s all about how grown ass women are catty bitches and we all deserve to be told that we are that. It’s all about supporting women too.
It’s also about two men who own a company, but are so insignificant in this drama that like, you just don’t give a fuck about them. Except the one who still has it bad for his ex, even though he says he doesn’t. Like bitch please, we see you, and we know you’re wishing she was interested in you.
You don’t give a fuck about the houses that they are selling. You care about the people in the show. Or you hate them. AND LORD, I hate a lot of them. Like seriously, they don’t know how to be good people. There are the good girls versus the pure fucking evil horse hair wearing trolls.
Ya, I have strong feelings about them all. And I may not talk about the plot and storylines a lot in this article, because trust me, what you’ll do is care about the characters. It’s like a grown up The Hills set in real estate, with a group of bitchy women that are literally so repulsive that they make me want to slap them.
CHRISHELL STAUSE
I admit I started this shit show for Chrishell. I wanted to know what happened with her and Justin Hartley. Sue me, I am fucking curious. I am not going to shame Chrishell, but she’s judgemental and quite frankly whines A LOT. But she’s such a hot mess that she would make a perfect bravolebrity, so she should be celebrating the fact that she’s on Netflix.
Chrishell wants the world to feel sorry for her and you do. You watch this and you do feel bad for her. But you also wanna be like girl, stop being a fucking victim and let people walk all over you.
But that being said she’s one of the less evil people in this world. If we’re going good versus evil, then Chrishell is on team good ones.
But it doesn’t mean that she’s not annoying. Cause she is. Let’s hope she finds some fucking strength, cause honestly, I do want that for her. Hell I want that for everyone.
MARY FITZGERALD
You know when you’re watching The Wizard of Oz and the good witch comes and is like there to save the day? Mary is that person. She’s probably the only likeable person on this show for their personality.
She’s the type that wants to be a good friend and stand up for her friends. She respects her relationships. She loves those around her. But is she perfect? No.
She’s favored. Her ex is one of the owners, and if his favoritism towards her isn’t obvious to you, please seek glasses so that you can see.
What I like about Mary is that she makes you feel like you are watching regular people – even though everyone looks like a replica of Malibu Barbie. And you know, I don’t mean that in a positive way. Yet again, it’s not negative either.
CHRISTINE QUINN
Christine wants to be Erika Jayne, but she’s more along the lines of Wednesday from the Adams Family. She’s like hot mess express. And she’s obviously marrying her man for the money.
She needs someone to pay for all the horse hair that she has on her head and the extreme amounts of bleach that she puts on her head. Cause like IT IS A LOT.
She’s a backstabbing self serving egotistical pain in the ass. Which hey, whatever. You do you. But like think the worst kind of catty bitch and you’ve got this girl.
Someone tell her to stop stealing horse tails for her head.
DAVINA PORTATZ
Look up Satan and you’ll see her picture, cause she’s the living embodiment of Satan. She’s such a gaslighting bitch.
She thinks that she’s so much better than everyone else, but she’s a wannabe Regina George in Ivanka Trump’s personality.
AMANZA SMITH
I actually refuse to say something bad about he, cause she’s a struggling single Mom who wants to do everything for her kids. She’s just starting out and she’s working hard to change her life. She’s learning and she’s strong and she’s a beauty.
But what I love about her is that no matter what she doesn’t give up – even when she wants to.
I haven’t found a reason to despise her… YET.
HEATHER RAE YOUNG
Heather, oh sweet Heather. We get it – you’re with the dude from HGTV and you’re a vegan. I think that is all that you know how to say about yourself.
Snooze.
Like be your own woman. Stop being defined by your man or you are literally setting the worst example ever. Like, I can’t get over the fact that you seem to define yourself by who you’re with versus who you are.
BRETT AND JASON OPENHEIM
They own the place. They are boring. At least Netflix accepts the fact that even though they have to put them on – but doesn’t make us have to watch them all the time.
Cause I would shut this shit off.
Selling Sunset airs on Netflix, and if you’re into hot messes this is one show you can’t miss. I obviously failed at watching it once.
