Memories. We all have them. We all are shaped by them. They are moments in our lives that have made us who we are.
But are they factual? Are they actually things that we can count on? Are they worth holding onto? Sometimes I think that may be the most complicated thing that we can ask ourselves. Should we hang on to these things or should we let it all go?
Memories of us may be the thing that define our legacy. It may be a positive thing and it may be a negative one. But what matters, in my opinion, is how we let our memories define ourselves. Do we let them take over our lives? Do we let them go? Do we accept them and figure out how to let them go?
This weeks New Amsterdam was all about memories in someway. Making them, forgetting them, moving on from them… it covered it all. And it left us wondering, will memories be the thing that change everything.
A LEGACY DISMANTLED
Max has taken on meditating as a way of coping with things. Though, personally, I think that living in New York, Air Pods in your ears are a given, because it keeps people from talking to you, when you don’t want people to. So I totally didn’t think twice when he was walking with them in.
But meditation won’t help when you are getting to work and see that your arch enemy has changed everything that you have worked so hard to build.
One thing that I have always loved about New Amsterdam is the lobby. It’s a place filled with memories, honoring the people that have come and gone, the way that the hospital has been there for others, the way that it has fought so hard to change the perception that people have of public institutions.
It’s shown that this place is a place that will fight for you.
But Dr. Fuentes has decided to change everything. She’s taken the memories down. She’s painted over things. She’s dismantling Max’s legacy, piece by piece.
She’s replaced it with art. And hey, I love art. But she doesn’t get that New Amsterdam isn’t the place for that.
The art in the lobby, one piece is a saung. The saung is beautiful, and someone recognizes it as the saung that was taken from her 50 years ago, as she was forced to leave her country. She shows up in the lobby, demanding it back.
After solidifying that it is hers, Max brokers a deal with the museum to get it back. The woman is admitted into the hospital for revision surgery, as when she was forced out of her country, she also lost her leg. She’s never been able to get a good prosthetic which has forced her to continuously have surgery. She always knows that it is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when.
The thing is – it’s not so simple for her to get the suang back. The museum had to notify the Myanmar consulate, who takes the suang for themselves to return to their country. The state department has already signed off on it and there is nothing that the man can do. He tells Max that just because he can’t see the gun to his head doesn’t mean that it’s not there.
Max has this heart that is so big, so loving, so giving and to be honest it is something that I admire. He has such a commitment to his patients that he forgets that he needs to put himself and the people that he loves first.
But in the same breathe that is what makes him so good at what he does and makes him who he is. And I am not sure I would ever want to change Max.
Max is able to help his patient. The museum is willing to pay for the top of the line prosthetic that she needs so that she won’t have to keep having surgery. Seeing the joy in her face, the sense of relief, I feel like this is Max’s purpose. His purpose is to help others.
Bloom is complicated. Her life has been complicated. She has so many things that have gone wrong in her life, that she automatically expects the worst from everyone and everything.
And I can’t blame her.
So when her Mom shows up at New Amsterdam, in pain, she automatically assumes that she is there to score pills. Yes, her Mom is an addict, but that doesn’t mean that she’s not in pain.
I have to say that I admire Leyla right now, because despite Bloom’s objections, she admits Jeanie into the emergency department. She believes that there is something wrong and she does believe that no matter what, she deserves the best of care.
It doesn’t matter what Bloom thinks, when they are at work, Leyla’s responsibility is to offer the best care.
I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have a complicated relationship with their parent in some way and Bloom’s is definitely a whole level of complication that no one wants. Hell, I wouldn’t and I don’t shy away from drama.
But the way that she treats her Mom, the way that she goes off and humiliates her – it just felt so wrong. It felt like this pull in me, where I was going to worry about her and this pull where I wanted to slap her and tell her to get anger out in therapy, but treat the patient.
Leyla isn’t giving up on Jeanie, she ordered an ultrasound and found that Jeanie actually has endometriosis. It’s hard for Bloom to hear, because it means that over the past 30 years, her Mom has been telling the truth.
It’s hard to watch. Look, doctors are not perfect, they do their best. But when they miss something it can have consequences that are hard to handle for anyone. For Jeanie it has resulted in a drug addiction and a lifetime of pain.
But what I am appreciative of is that Bloom and her Mom can heal. I think it will be important for healing.
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
Floyd, oh Floyd. I don’t even know what to say about you half the time, because the storylines that you have been given haven’t been great.
I do love that for. this moment, this episode, Floyd has been given a storyline. One that he’s needed to have.
He’s supposed to be conducting the biggest surgery of his life, an artificial heart put into a patient. And if this works, it could be revolutionary.
But he’s been pulled off the case and he jumps to assumptions. He believes that Dr. Baptise has found out about his relationship with his wife. It seems obvious, it seems like an assumption that we would all jump to, so I ain’t made about it.
Malvo and Floyd are all sorts of paranoid, but that’s what happens when you lie (unless you have anxiety, cause like that paranoia is something you can’t help). Both of them are scared that he knows, though they didn’t break the rules.
It turns out though, that Dr. Fuentes is the person that removed Floyd. He has another patient who came back and she wants him to treat her first. Floyd believes that this patient is always making up something and comes in to be treated for everything and anything.
When he goes to treat the patient, she reminds him that he keeps looking at the clock and she doesn’t want to bug him. It’s heartbreaking to see her, but I think that we have all felt that way. We don’t want to be a burden.
And you think that Floyd is going to go do the heart surgery when his colleague says that he will take over. But, Floyd surprises us all, because he misses out on the big surgery in order to be there for the patient that always seems to be crying wolf and didn’t want to bug him.
Floyd is remembering what matters and it is about time. Though I think he needs to remember that he deserves better and that being Malvo’s secondary is just not it.
Helen and Iggy are both testifying at a case – not knowing that the other person is a witness. But this is going to cause big issues between the two of them. Why? Because they are taking opposite sides.
Memories are complex. I have memories that feel so vivid and so real that I am transported to that place in time as if I am living it, though others will tell me they aren’t real. But I can recall them. Though I can be in that moment.
And in court, Iggy testifies that recalled memories aren’t something that can be trusted. This infuriates Helen who is waiting for him when he returns to the hospital. She tells him her recalled memory and challenges him to tell her that she is wrong.
That she’s remembering the wrong thing.
Iggy could have just left it alone, but he doesn’t seem to ever know when to just leave well enough alone. I know, it’s the doctor in him. And then there is a part of me that appreciates that he did, because Helens entire outlook has changed.
Yet, I have to wonder if the pain that Helen will feel, knowing she blamed her father and thought him a coward for leaving her. She remembered it being that he father left her, that he pushed her away. But after Iggy challenges her memories, she knows that her Mom actually pulled her away.
The guilt that she now feels – the way that she feels violated over him challenging her feelings and memories. But for Helen, her memory had made her not want to speak to her father. She refused his calls, his attempts to talk to her. He died believing that she hated him and she was okay with that.
She had a thought of who her Mom was and now she didn’t know who she was. And that changes everything – because she doesn’t know who she is anymore. You can see in her eyes the pain that she feels over the way that her father passed away and the life that was taken away from her in a way.
She’s getting ready to move across the ocean and back to London to be near her Mom, but she doesn’t know who she is anymore.
Iggy does help and I hate to admit the fact that he makes perfect sense when he tells her to live in the now, to think about where she feels safe and loved.
And for Helen, that is Max. They make no sense and they make perfect sense. But that’s the beautiful thing. They challenge each other, the make each other grow, and they love each other.
So she goes and searches for Max and finds him on the roof, where we all know that he would be. He’s arguing with Dr. Fuentes, explaining to her just why what she is doing is wrong. And she tells him that if he doesn’t want her doing all of it – he shouldn’t leave then.
And he yells back that maybe he won’t. All in time for Helen to hear.
There is this part of me that is selfishly thankful that this is happening because they will rethink their move. And then there is this part of me that is so angry at Iggy and Max, because Helen shouldn’t have to hurt this way.
Seeing the look in their eyes, there is a part of me knows that we’re going to have some Sharpwin problems and don’t hate me when I say I welcome that. Why? Because I want all of the haters to see that they can make it through anything.
And I truly believe that they will. Just like I truly believe they won’t be moving.
New Amsterdam airs Tuesdays on NBC.