‘Law & Order: SVU’ 25×03 Review: “The Punch List”

Watching Law & Order: SVU 25×03 “The Punch List,” one can’t help but think about poisonous mushrooms. We could say it’s just because David Krumholtz, whose previous appearance on this series involved then-Detective Olivia Benson getting high on some and rambling about stabbing the Captain with a pickle before collapsing in her partner’s arms. But we’d be lying…and we’re not fans of that. No. Instead, what we’ll say is we can’t decide if we accidentally inhaled something a la Liv in “Wet” …or wish we did. Either way, aside from some great performances, it’s an episode we’d very much like to forget.

Basically, there’s just far too much that doesn’t work here. Sure, there are some fantastic shots of Captain Benson staring at the evidence in Maddie Flynn’s case…but at least one is very bizarre parallel to our victim, Dr. Ray Goldberg, getting a good look at himself in the mirror after a night out gone wrong. And continuity is great, actually! So, keeping Eileen Flynn in the mix isn’t a terrible idea on the surface. But did she — much less Liv — need more trauma? Absolutely not. While we’re at it, the thought of Liv being like “lol, bye. Gotta deal with another case” right after revealing to her latest victim that she is, in fact, a victim and not a rapist…just doesn’t sit right.

None of this even begins to get into how clunky the whole story is, overall. Giving the squad a chance to work without its glorious leader shouldn’t be a problem, yet it very much is here. For one thing, there’s a lot of talk about basically forcing Dr. Goldberg to realize what happened to him in order to make a case. And, as seems to be a thing more and more often, we also have ADA Carisi all over the investigation as if he’s a detective again. It’s…strange, much like the completely failed attempt to jam two totally unrelated plots together. Which, again. It’s doable. This series used to do a very good job at that sort of thing, 100 years ago. And yet.

But, hey! Who cares about a case that capitalizes on the guest star’s immense talent or, in any way at all, feels like it is at all respectful to this series’ subject matter? Just use that victim — and don’t consider whether or not it’s worth it to traumatize him without treading carefully! While you’re at it, just…mostly leave the second victim out of it! She’s just an escort, after all. It’s all fine because we shoved in an end scene of Liv going off to get herself some EMDR therapy. Forget that, much like a lot of the story, it feels forced and out of place. Mariska Hargitay is there, being gorgeous and talented whilst showing just how much Olivia has to brace herself for this appointment. And the compass is there, comforting our main character! Yay!

More on Law & Order: SVU 25×03

• If you don’t see this man and immediately think “YOU STABBED CARTER AND LUCY, YOU BASTARD” and get “Battleflag” stuck in your head, you are not caught up on one of the most important series in TV history. I don’t write the rules; I just follow them.
• “…we’re going to have to live with this for the rest of our lives.” Like you won’t have the time/money/privilege to either renovate again or move? Please.
• Andy is trash, huh? Bet a lot of dudes think blowing off his old friend for a much, much younger woman is living the dream, though. Trash.
• Do people call things “dope” anymore? Did we ever? And “sick”? It is. So off.
• Since we can’t do anything else to move the slowest burn in history forward, let’s assume some of that texting as Liv gets off the elevator involves a man who can’t find hair plugs in the city.
• “…but things are much more complicated than just right and wrong.” True, but it’s not like this series is great at showing that lately.
• Krumholtz is too good for this story, but wow, does he sell the shit out of it anyway. Ray is haunted walking out of that building…and it’s a really, really interesting choice to have him put his weight way back in his heels like that when he’s doing his barefoot wandering down the sidewalk, too.
• “Look at her. She’s 95 pounds, soaking wet…” First off, no. And second…Captain Benson ought to know better than for that to be a reason to discount someone’s confession. (Even if, in this case, it turns out she is also a victim.)
• Hargitay’s many “????” expressions as Liv interviews Tess are basically my reaction to this episode. But, like, prettier.
• Also deserved better: Leslie Fray. She is so good as this heartbroken, panicked wife and mother who’s watching her entire world be destroyed.
• …but, again, did we really need that to happen to the husband/father? No, we did not.
• Really, Liv? You’re not going anywhere until you find out more? Not even if Noah needs you? K.
• Fantastic shot of that hug, though. Great performances to show how haunted Liv is by all of this, as well as how difficult it is for Gomez to watch.
• But I don’t know…Maybe we already knew the bit about this case messing with Liv’s head and could’ve used literally…anything in terms of plot or more dialogue from the newcomer? No? K.
• “You said this was a crime scene?” “Yeah.” “Good. Means I don’t have to clean it.” Priorities.
• “…either that or a haiku by the world’s most boring poet.” Ok then.
• “…clean as a dollop of hand sanitizer.” These lines are giving “stabbed the captain with a pickle,” except without the mind-altering substances as an explanation for the weirdness.
• “It’s myself I have a problem with.” Can relate.
• So, we’re guilting him? Into admitting what happened to him? Uh.
• Also: Doctor, Goldberg, can be manipulated by guilt. Thanks for the tired stereotype.
• “…the ones that say i don’t have to talk to oppressors.” ???
• Velasco is so real for wanting to pet the doggy before hauling this dude off to the precinct.
• Hi, Liv. Take that advice about taking care of yourself and resting that you’re giving to Eileen and apply it to yourself. Captain, heal thyself. Or whatever.
• …why is she snooping in Maddie’s room? Like, nice touch on the little ballet jewelry box — they still make those? If so, I still want one all these years later — and all…but…
• Also, why give the bracelet up now? Nothing makes sense.
• “No. We’re democrats.” ???? I’d ask if the creatives involved in this series have ever met a democrat, or if they understand that some do have guns — just nobody wants weapons that can murder classrooms full of kindergarteners in virtually no time at all to be easier to get than Sudafed — but like. The previous episode exists. So, no need to ask. Completely out of touch with reality, AI-generated conservative’s idea of common sense gun control here, just like the AI-generated conservative’s idea of “woke” there. (This is not the consistency anyone wanted.)
• “They’re idiots. But at least they’re consistent.” Biting my tongue. So hard.
• “…opportunists grabbing for the nearest donut.” Again, I ask: Did Prochik’s mushrooms inspire this?
• “It won’t just go away by pretending it never happened.” Sounds like a challenge to me.
• Yeah, using a fake gun to force an escort to sleep with a guy who’s clearly unable to consent is so hilarious. So true. Assholes.
• “You guys messed with the wrong dermatologist.” Ok. This was funny.
• “I’m almost sorry I missed that.” No, Liv. You’re not. Trust me.
• “Anything you need from me?” “Not unless you have a Psychology degree.”
• No but…the character motivation is off. Forcing EMDR into the series through Liv getting hung up on a case that haunts her because…she should’ve been omniscient or whatever…and dragging out the case while a teenager is just…out there to get it done…is not good, actually! There were a ton of creative, meaningful, LOGICAL ways to get Liv to this place. But no, we did…whatever this is. And, in some sense, there are ways to work with the whole “straw that broke the came’s back” element of Liv’s reaction to this one case here, but this isn’t it.
• Development is a thing. There’s material here. It can’t just be…forced in and stuck on with duct tape.
• But hey! Bestie’s accessorizing with her man’s gift! OMG EO CRUMB. WOO! If this is the best we can do in 2024, in Season 25, let’s just give up.
• As in, stab Captain Liv with El’s pickle already or move on.
• This is what this series looks like when you don’t have Hargitay carrying it and, somehow, making bad things look good, huh? Which is sad, considering she has taken a backseat in the past with…not this result.
• Also: How is it that going back to watch the ER episode where Krumholtz’s character stabs Carter and Lucy would be less painful? Now, that’s an accomplishment.
• This is…not even a review at this point. Not even sorry. Insert something about making a punch list here.

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Law & Order: SVU airs Thursdays at 9/8c on NBC.