Every once in a while a movie comes around that changest the way you think about the very job you do on the daily. Because until now, I didn’t think that monster features could get weirder. Sure, there’s Sharknado and Sharktopus. But those seem out of the range of possibility and just too fucking weird. That makes them predictable. Then No Way Up came into my life and made me realize that peak cinema is still a possibility in 2024 and that I could still be terrified and yet surprised by something so common place to travelers in this day and age.
If you’re reading this review you probably already know what No Way Up is about. But just in case you need a reminder, it’s about a plane that crashes into the ocean. Instead of everyone dying, an air pocket is formed, saving the ones in the back of the plane. And just when they think about how they’re going to escape BOOM there are sharks waiting for them. The humans are basically UberEats delivered to the sharks and they’re not going to give up and let these humans survive. They’re gonna search them out in the same way we look for the last fries in a bag from McDonald’s.
No Way Up succeeded as a movie because it unlocked a new fear for me. I’m scared of sharks and of flying. But I never thought that these two would be combined in a movie filled with so many tropes, cliches, and gimmicky moments that I couldn’t initially decide if this was the worst thing I had ever watched or the best. After watching, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is peak cinema that didn’t take itself too seriously and opened the doorway for sequels where it’s a plane versus a kraken, a giant squid, or pirahnas because why not.
As for the tropes in this movie, we had the adorably precocious child, strong female protagonist who is also altruistic, absent boyfriend-blocking dad, dead parent trauma, rude friend who has sad past, grandma with a hidden past, mysterious older dude protector. And then the cliche lines/moments were so on the nose that I knew this two guys were going to die after big speeches to the main all-loving female heroine. I even burst out laughing when the asshole friend suddenly couldn’t handle things, turned away, and then started talking about how no one was going to help cuz they never did and then I predicted he was going to “when I was a kid…” SPOT ON. And so delightful when combined with the sheer what the fuck of the sharks.
Yes, yes the sharks. They deserve some time in this review too. Because they are the new fear that has been unlocked for me when it comes to planes. These sharks wait for the someone important to finish their speech before eating them. They also pay peak a boo with divers, who somehow find the plane because they’re Aquaman or something, before going nom nom nom on them. And they also come face to face with the lead and somehow don’t kill them because creature and human had a moment. Basically the sharks had standards. Sure, they were standards where they ate people like we do UberEats. But standards remained.
At the end of the day, No Way Up left me so entertained and bamboozled that I wrote 5 pages of notes because I had no one to scream about this with. So I screamed at a Google Docs about my wild theories about what the true origins of this tragedy, how the British child was way into Baby Shark, making me suspicious of her motivations, and how apparently bubbles are the true enemy of sharks like this is some Pokémon battle. And no, this movie isn’t going to win an Oscar. But it sure as hell will entertain you and make you question your life choices that this movie is how you decided to spend you time watching.
No Way Up is now available in theaters.
Erm. I have to, with all due respect, disagree with this review. This film does take itself seriously and that is its biggest flaw. The characters lack depth and are not likeable. It’s a jumbly mess of an edit. I would say, in their defence, these actors could perform much better with a half decent script and someone decent directing them. The airport scene!? The bathroom scene!? This is absolutely not peak cinema, I found that an amusing note, I’d love to see your reaction to Dune 2.