So, our initial response to hearing Dance Moms: A New Era was coming to Hulu was basically, “who asked for more of this.” But we also fully admitted, both to ourselves and the world, that we’d be watching anyway. Because, well, we’re suckers for just about anything related to dance. Not to mention, sometimes, you just need some mindless reality TV to focus your rage on instead of having to deal with…everything else out there.
After screening the first three episodes, we can say we’re actually looking forward to watching more. Are we like, “thanks, hate it” about a lot of things that some folks might even find entertaining? (Guilty of being “some folks” even while hating it, to be honest.) Well, yeah. Sure. But is there also just enough about this so-called “new era” to make the Bleu Junior Elites’ journey also feel new? Definitely.
The good
Dance Moms: A New Era starts right off with some…interesting shade thrown at the original series’ legacy. And that’s entertaining enough. (No, really, we cracked up.) But this show actually brings with it a couple of pleasant surprises. First off, regardless of whatever nonsense happens behind the scenes, we actually see Gloria Hampton take full responsibility when the team doesn’t exactly have the best debut. Like, holy crap, jaw on the floor quotes coming up: “I’ll take the fall. It’s my fault” and “there’s nobody to blame but me.” Did Abby Lee Miller ever??? If she did, we honestly don’t remember it.
Another thing we thought we’d never see: Miss Glo has put together an elite team where you can say “the cute little blonde one” and…the person you’re talking to will know exactly who you mean. Or, eh. They’ll know if they also watched. Otherwise, they’ll probably just be like, “ok but why are you watching trash TV again.” (And, like. Fair?) Representation matters, actually! Yes — even, maybe especially, in a show like this. For better or worse (admittedly, often worse), a lot of little girls wanted to dance because they watched the ALDC on TV. They idolized those kids. Well, in this new era, far more kiddos will see themselves in the show’s stars.
Amazing.
As was the case with the original, we’re watching Dance Moms: A New Era for the actual dancers. Sorry, not sorry, to anyone else who’s here for the mess. And the Bleu Junior Elites are very good. But there’s always something to improve on, and Miss Glo will be the first to tell them that. (Which is literally her job.) Come to think of it, did we hallucinate her actually still caring when she was disappointed instead of being as nasty as possible? See also this gem, aimed at Ashlan Scheide:
“I’m ok with you messing up, but I’m not ok with you saying you tried when you didn’t.”
Abby would most definitely never. At least not with the average kid. With her favorites? Possibly. But only on a good day.
Anyway. Speaking of Ashlan, she has a fun solo in Episode 3. I may or may not have written down a “nice, controlled leap coming out of those pirouettes” note. And her (kinda irresponsible, if the series’ framing is any indication) mom was “pretty f’in proud.” But Miss Glo only considered her performance “a decent job.” Ahhh, the joys of always pushing for perfection while realizing human beings never actually can get there. Then again, that’s another check in the “good” department: No “first loser” talk for getting second place so far!
The bad
Maybe our “bad” section of Dance Moms: A New Era should basically just be like, “OMG can the moms shut up.” Because seriously, can they just STFU. Like, stop talking. We literally do not care that you want to start trouble over Audrey (Audrina Brudner) sharing the lead in a group number with someone else. And we definitely do not want to constantly hear about how this one’s besties with that one as a strategic WTFever. Just like. Stop talking. Let the kids pursue their dreams. Hush.
Basically, what we’re saying here is we’d like it a lot more if it wasn’t, well, reality TV. Which…probably unfair? But whatever.
Tammi started out as an early favorite, all “out of all the moms on this elite team, I am the wrong one to mess with. I am not going to let a middle-aged adult come at me. Or my child. Especially my child” speech. But after that…like, whatever her drama with Corinne is…um. Just insert a lot of really insulting four-letter words here. Because yikes. And no, the language of being “triggered” didn’t need to be used by Tammi in such a way that, essentially, made her look like the unreasonable one. “Crazy is a derogatory word used to describe someone with a mental illness” is an actual, real thing. But no, we didn’t believe Tammi was anything other than just being put up to saying something so Corinne could LULZ about it in the moment.
“Every time I’m dealing with Corinne, I just…I die a little more inside!”
That part. And yeah…Min’s a bit extra in the stage mom department, just like we figured when we watched the trailer.
The ugly
Look, we get it. We do. But…so many crying kids…can we not? Literally, let’s just not. Furthermore, at some point, we really do need to talk about the injury stuff in Episode 3. We, as a society, have normalized pushing through illness and injuries to a horrible extent — and the dance world is about a bazillion times worse than the “normal” one. Can we just…can we not? Especially when there are literal children involved.
Come on, y’all. Dance is hard enough. You’ve gotta suffer for your art no matter what. Let’s try to minimize that instead encouraging the same old, same old. We can aim for “a new era,” if you will.
Besides, it’s not like the mamas don’t provide more than enough drama for us to trash talk. Why make us side-eye the coach’s own daughter, especially when she’s that talented of a dancer herself? We just want to talk about strong standing legs, pointed toes, and proper alignment with a dash of performance quality. Not…this.
Dance Moms: A New Era is now streaming on Hulu.
