During an ice-cream bender with the “all men make us sick” theme on a loop, a trailer for Thor: Ragnarok popped up on the television. In a fit of optimism I told my friend “That’s the kind of man we need.” “Chris Hemsworth? He is cute, but he’s married,” she said. I smiled at her, with a fangirl twinkle in my eyes. “ Not Chris. Thor.”
Later, I thought about what I proposed: What would it be like to really date Thor? Would he or any of our favorite superheroes make for good romantic hook-ups? I did all the leg work for you so let’s take a look.
1. Steve Rogers/ Captain America
Oh, Cap. What’s sexier than a super soldier with a rock hard body? A recently thawed heart of gold of course. One of New York’s finest specimens (he was kinda made in a test tube), Steve Rogers is the quintessential gentleman who will wait as long as it takes for his lady love. Not of this time, he is often a fish out of water trying to find his place, but he’s so cute doing it. Willing to fight and die for his country and his BFF Bucky, Captain America would make any girl swoon. Not to mention those Chris Evans like baby blues.
One drawback to Cap is his loyalty to the stars and stripes. His patriotism assures the mission will always come first, meaning more than a few dates will be broken.
2. Oliver Queen/ Green Arrow
Who doesn’t love a man trying to shed his dark past and one with Stephen Amell’s abs? Starling City’s billionaire turned vigilante, turned politician certainly has tried to tame his demons. Oliver is loyal and will hunt an adversary to the ends of the earth if he has to, so you know his love would run just as deep.
But, this hooded hero does have a very seedy past that includes many lovers and a child. A tortured soul, Oliver has trouble opening up so communication will be an issue ladies- being stranded on Lian Yu for 5 years might do that to a person.
3. Peter Quill /Star Lord
He’s a dance-loving, charismatic, warm-hearted boy from the heartland – Missouri to be specific. He has good Midwestern values, LOVED his mother (R.I.P.), has FANTASTIC taste in music, and a gang of fellow guardians that you’re sure to love. He’s willing to risk his life for the galaxy so what do you think he’ll do for you? And did I mention he’s tall and handsome? Just the right amount of scruff and a masculine jawline – he bears a strong resemblance to Andy Dwyer from the television show Parks & Recreation, and has the humor and wit to go along with it. Yes, Peter Quill is the everyman that every woman could love. But…
There are red flags. Namely Gomorrah, and Gomorrah has swords. Plural. And we can’t forget about his affiliation with The Ravagers. Essentially, Peter’s a thief. He’s been doing it all his life, and it’s not only what he is best at, it’s what he loves, so buyer beware, he might steal your heart, or your iPhone.
4. Barry Allen/The Flash
Nerd and crime scene investigator by day, Central City’s guardian angel is always busy chasing the bad guys. The Flash is known for his lightning speed, but more importantly to us girls his capacity to love even though he has endured tragedy upon tragedy. Phasing through objects, hurling lightning, and traveling through time are just some of his awe inspiring abilities. Can you imagine having this super-fast sweetie making you breakfast or dinner in a split second or whisking you away to your favorite place in no time?
Though Flash is pretty damn cute thanks to being a dead ringer for the green- eyed cutie Grant Gustin, he’s also pretty stubborn and prone to changing the timeline when he feels like it. Don’t get too attached to those memories because they just might be erased.
5. Thor/The God of Thunder
A hammer wielding warrior with an accent are a hard combination to ignore. The strength and agility of a god are just a few of Thor’s gems, and the ability to control elements of a storm are sure to come in handy on a rainy date night. Not to mention that one of Thor’s closest allies is the drool inducing Idris Elba-excuse me did I just say that? I meant to say Heimdall. Thor will one day be king so that means his lover will one day take his side as a queen.
One thing to be on the lookout for is Thor’s arrogance. I mean, who will use more hair products- him or you? And smashing cups and demanding things is a no-no. Thor never listened to his father and was once exiled to Earth for his defiance. This one can be a hot-head girls, but snuggling with a Chris Hemsworth doppelganger galaxies away might just be worth the headache.
6. T’Challa/Black Panther
The name T’Challa just rolls of the tongue, doesn’t it? Stop reading and just try it, slowly. Told you. Well, a man this agile is always intriguing. Hailing from the advanced nation of Wakanda, he could teach you a thing or two about advanced tech and vibranium. He might be able to make you a damage proof suit for your nights out too. A superior fighter with a mind just as sharp as those panther claws, this Avenger and Chadwick Boseman look alike is sure to be a catch.
Well, you might want to keep in mind that X-Men’s first lady of weather, Storm, was this big cat’s first love. Cue the nail-biting. What might be a bit more worrisome is the vengeful heart he harbors because of his father’s death.
7. Bruce Banner/The Hulk
Where to start? “An enormous green rage monster”, as Tony Stark teases, probably isn’t the best place. Let’s start with the mild mannered scientist that resembles Mark Ruffalo. Always trying to keep calm, you know your nights and days can be Zen with this guy. No fuss, no drama is always his mantra. But every now and then you might need The Hulk to shake things up or change a few minds.
The downside to this hero is pretty obvious, but let’s just say you may have to spend some time in hiding- until he calms down of course. Oh, and you might want to keep a change of clothes handy for that waking up disoriented and naked thing he does.
8. Tony Stark/Iron Man
Money, fast cars, vacations, you name it, and Tony Stark has it. Kinda reminds us of an actor with the initials RDJ. He also just happens to be a tech genius who saved himself by building a suit in a cave and becoming the Iron Man. Tony loves his fortune, but he loves mankind too-even if he won’t admit it. Stark Industry’s CEO is not necessarily a girl’s dream if you factor in the snark. But Tony is handy and one of the most brilliant heroes we know.
At times cold-hearted with a biting sense of humor, this Avenger can be rude to the ones he loves most. Just ask his on- again, off -again lady, Pepper, his right hand Happy and his protégé *Peter.
9. Clark Kent/Superman
Falling in love with an alien doesn’t sound too tempting if we’re thinking of the ugly, grey beings with eyes like a black void. But if you’re talking about the Kryptonian himself, Kal-L better known here on our Earth as Superman, you might want to perk up. He’s an alien, but a Kansas farm boy at heart. He wears his heart on his sleeve, well maybe his chest. Pretending to be Clark Kent in Henry Cavill’s body, this man is genuinely one of the good guys. With the gift of flight, you can be sure that your nights will never be boring. Strong, loyal, and virtuous to a fault, Superman is a girl’s dream come true.
Superman has a pretty bad reaction to this weird green mineral thing called kryptonite. Be sure to keep that stuff far far away to keep your beau safe.
10. Bruce Wayne/Batman
So, I know you’re probably like- what the hell? Honestly speaking, I couldn’t decide which Bruce Wayne we’d fangirl over more since this hero has such an identity crisis. I do have my preference, but this is all about you.
The Caped Crusader is a billionaire no doubt. He has mansions, cars, companies and the like,but this brooding bad-boy has many axes to grind. To say he has issues is an understatement. Wouldn’t you if you witnessed your parents’ murder? Bruce has since found a way to move on- roaming the alleys and streets, putting the scum behind bars. A man like this is hard to love because his heart seems like stone, but his affection for the innocent citizens of Gotham tell us there is still some kindness left. Spending nights in Wayne Manor and having a butler wouldn’t be such a raw deal either.
Umm, yeah. Check back with me in about three years for this one.
There you have it ladies. The good, the bad, the super- which one of these heroes could win your heart?