Sh*t We Learned From Trailers: ‘Angel Has Fallen’ Edition

I love the worst movies known to man kind. I think that there are many movies out there that are amazing, but for me – it seems like I am drawn to the movies that are so bad that they are good.

Some of those movies are Olympus Has Fallen and London Has Fallen. Like seriously, shouldn’t Mike Banning have been fired? Man is like a magnet for bullshit happening. But no, that would be too easy. We don’t do easy. So of course there is a third movie in the series.

The trailer for Angel Has Fallen has been released and at first glance, all I can see is that the picture that they chose for the cover is the absolute worse and looks like Mike Banning is in the 1500’s and has a case of the pox.

Ya I said it.

But as with many things on YouTube, people choose a bad thumbnail. Those people should be fired (ok, maybe not that extreme, but definitely dragged in for an eye test).

Lets break down the bullshit that this trailer has taught us.


Mike Banning is a Secret Service agent and sure, I don’t know much about them. But I am assuming that it is only in the movies that one keeps getting chance after chance when you essentially are a magnet for bad luck. However, when watching this trailer, I get it. The movie TAKEN can be remade in many forms. Someone doesn’t always have to be taken, someone can be coming after your life every five seconds too. Shit just has to keep going wrong in the same way over and over. Sure, Gerard Butler is no Liam Neeson, but who the fuck is. Liam Neeson wasn’t even the same to me, until I saw all the bad TAKEN movies and was like that unlucky SOB, but I still wouldn’t fuck with him. Gerard Butler used to be the man from PS I LOVE YOU to me, but now he’s the man who I would want guarding me, but would want to maintain a perimeter from at all costs.


Look, I am all for loving someone. I truly am. I think that love has a way of working itself out, no matter what. The truth is though, when bad shit keeps happening, I don’t think that I would be sticking around. I don’t think that I would be like ya, love will get us through. But hey, that’s just me.

Mike Banning has everything wrong happening to him all the damn time. Every time dude turns around someone is coming for them to kill them or some shit. Like seriously, dude has the worst luck known to man kind.

And I feel for him and all.

But I ain’t sticking around for that shit. We all saw what happened in TAKEN. Nothing good comes from sticking around.


If I need to explain this to you, please don’t let me know cause I will loose all respect.


Look, I do not want to go fishing ever. I love sushi, but I don’t wanna catch shit. Like, I pay for convenience. I do not find it relaxing to be out on a boat and waiting for something to bite. That’s called dating and that shit is dangerous enough. Except the thing that makes dating the better part, is you don’t have to deal with worms. However, if you are dealing with a worm – aka as a small penis – then please know I feel for you.

Angel Has Fallen hits theaters August 21st.

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