Hello again, everyone! It’s time for my favorite pastime, dunking on the mess that is Epix’s Britannia. This week we’re going to focus on why even people like me, who sit through the entire episode, often have very little clue of what is actually going on: lack of cohesion.
I’m going to be nice and ignore the fact that, often, there just isn’t that much going on in the show, because I like to complain about one thing per week, you know. Otherwise you might get overwhelmed. And trust me, the laundry list of things to complain about isn’t exactly short.
Britannia just has too much going on. That makes it easier to have a lot of complaints, and of course, makes it impossible to follow every single individual storyline. And by impossible I mean, we just don’t care enough to. I have followed much more complicated shows with just as many characters, but when you care about what’s going on, well, that doesn’t seem like a chore.
Here, however, not only do you not care, there’s just TOO MUCH STUFF you don’t care about happening, all at the same time. Kill some characters or something, Britannia. Don’t bring in more new ones, and especially don’t bring back characters we already forgot about. We’re fine, I promise. No one was thinking about them.
The characters we are kind of focused on, however, are anything but interesting – another big problem of the show. Divis is again possessed by an evil demon – can we go ahead and say he also was when we had that almost pedophilia moment I’m never forgetting about? Dude is possessed or almost possessed about as often as people get high on this show, and that’s all the time.
Aulus, meanwhile, is trying to kill Cait, which I assume won’t happen because Cait seems to be this show’s most useless and yet more important character. What has she done to earn this? Absolutely nothing, but we will surely continue to follow in Cait’s boring footsteps for a while longer.
Then there’s Andra, who wasn’t actually Amena’s daughter but …her sister? And Mallin, who is hoping to stop Cait from fulfilling the prophecy. And did I mention Andra’s father was trapped in the wall for years? Plus Phelan is out there, doing things, for reasons. I don’t know, I don’t get it either. But it’s all good, I still don’t want to get it.
I just have to get through another two episodes and I’ll be free, at last.
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