I am really ashamed of this before I even write this. Why? Because let’s all be honest, Tara Reid and soap opera actors does not a good movie make. It’s a hot mess in the making. We all know that.
But hey, it’s 2020 and hot mess express is sometimes just what we need in life. A girl can only drink so much before they worry about their liver and hey, that’s not something I want.
But A Royal Christmas Ball – well, it was bad. It was really bad. It was so bad, that it was good and I won’t make apologies for that. It’s a poor TV version of The Princess Diaries with bad acting and a script that is so formulaic that it fits the Christmas movie mold, only it’s really not a lot about Christmas.
So it was horrible and it was perfect. Just enjoy some alcohol with it, and know that you didn’t write it and that whatever bad idea for a film you have is probably better than this. So in other words, there is hope for whatever you want to do.
Now, I am a fan of General Hospital, so I was like that’s Jax and Molly. Watching this you’ll know why they took a break from soaps but returned, because like, a person has to make a paycheck. I get it.
But the real star of this show was Tara Reid. She can’t act her way out of a paper bag, she has the worst raspy voice, and it’s like omg someone send her to a place to get her hair fixed, but all that said – you know that she’s made for Christmas films. And I’m not talking Hallmark Christmas films, but places that are trying to break into the genre and have no money.
I really do love Haley Pullos, who plays Molly on General Hospital, but it really pains me that when she tries to pull off extremely happy, it’s as if her acting teacher didn’t teach her anything. She’s gotta be a bad liar – cause it’s one of those moments where your voice changes and you are like yup, you showed your ass. She’s so good in Ashley Garcia that I want to root for her, but I also want her to find ummm… well, range.
The movie is completely predictable, but the first issue that makes it into the great category is that Ingo Rademacher and Tara Reid have no chemistry, and though I am sure that they are around the same age – it’s like watching a friend go after your Dad. And then she’s like got no range either, so everything that comes out of her mouth is like, Bueller, Bueller (and if you don’t get that reference, well – you may be part of the problem). The two are creepy together and if I was Ingo, I woulda been like, “Wait, Tara Reid? I’m out” and then begged for my job on General Hospital back.
Spoiler alert – the King is of course the Dad and Lily is able to figure that out with basically no clues at all. Hey, smart kid.
I know, I know – I am sounding like this is a shit show. And it is. But it’s a movie that really shouldn’t pass as a Christmas movie, it’s so bad that it’s embarrassing, and you’re gonna love it.
And yet you’ll wish for the 2 hours of life you wasted back. The Ion Network tried, but should definitely leave the Christmas movies to the experts.
Spoiler Alert: they are not the experts.