Lucifer 5×15 “Is This Really How It’s Going to End?!” is the most emotional episode this show has ever done, and we wouldn’t blame you if you needed a moment – or five – to recover from it. I’m still not sure I have, and I’ve had almost two months to process. The hour is incredibly acted, amazingly plotted and a total and complete punch to the stomach. You’re not supposed to come out of it feeling good. But you’re supposed to come out of it feeling.
And if anything, that’s this the magic of Lucifer 5×15 “Is This Really How It’s Going to End?!” and the magic of this show. That we’ve been on this journey with these people for five years, and some of them were not presented to us as heroes, or even somewhat lovable characters. And yet at this point, we love all of them so much, love the dynamics of them so much, that this episode is both understandable in terms of messaging and yet, at the same time, completely gut-wrenching.
This isn’t drama for the sake of drama. But it is dramatic, it is heartbreaking, and I cannot promise this will be an easy review. But we are going to break down Lucifer 5×15 “Is This Really How It’s Going to End?!” and all the things it made us feel.
OUR LIVES
The domesticity of this episode, of Chloe planning their lives going forward, as a unit, cannot be underscored. Deckerstar has come so far. They’ve learned to trust each other, to rely in each other, and they have chosen each other, time and time again. Even if Lucifer still hasn’t found the words, that’s love, right there. As clear as day. Though, I will say, just propose if you’re going to throw phrases like “future Mrs. G” around, okay Lucifer? Chloe deserves the proposal.
The most important thing to point out about this conversation, about the whole vibe of this episode, goes back to Chloe’s faith in Lucifer. She’s always had faith in him, but in Lucifer Season 5B she’s truly had to put her money where her mouth is in regard to that, and she has done so. She’s literally living on faith right now, faith that he can be the partner she needs in life, faith that he can love her even if he can’t find the words …and faith that he can be not just what she needs, but what the world needs.
And this ties to her decision to quit the police force. Yes, Chloe loves her work. And yes, she is giving up something, make no mistake about it. But being a detective isn’t all Chloe Decker is, it’s what she does. The main thing she wanted was to help people. And she’s decided the best way to do that and support the man she loves is stand by his side as he, you know, becomes God. Hard to call her out on that one, because …where else would you really get to do good than as God’s right hand?
But this is just also …what couples do. It’s about balance. It’s a give and take. It’s not always about what one person wants, or what the other person wants. Often you can’t both have what you want. And this is Chloe’s choice. Lucifer isn’t forcing her to make it. In fact, he tries more than once to get her to take it back. But she won’t. Because this isn’t just about what she wants to do going forward, this is about who she is. Who they are as a couple. And Chloe will always put that first.
ALL I CARE ABOUT IS HER
It feels silly when Lucifer finally confesses that he’s doing all of this for Chloe, for many reasons. First, because it seems completely absurd that someone would want to take on a job as God – probably the hardest job in the universe – just to feel worthy of someone else. And then, there’s also the fact that …well, it’s kinda obvious in hindsight, isn’t it? Everything Lucifer does, everything he’s been doing for seasons, has been for Chloe. Why would this be the exception?
When Lucifer says “I’m doing it for love” a part of me just wanted to say: you dumbass, why can’t you find those words when you’re with her? and another part just wanted to hold him tight. When he finally finishes the thought, when he admits that he’s trying to be God so he can “finally be worthy of her,” it’s such a poignant, yet heartbreaking moment, because Lucifer is wrong. He doesn’t have to be God to be worthy of Chloe. He already is.
That he has enough self-awareness to realize rebellion was a bad idea because he did it for the wrong reasons while he tries to become God, again, for the wrong reasons, is so Lucifer it hurts. Though, in the end, I guess we can’t say love is a bad reason for anything. It’s just that it isn’t love that’s driving Lucifer, as always, it’s fear. Fear that he isn’t enough, fear that Chloe can’t truly love him, or continue to love him, unless he’s more, he’s better.
But Chloe has loved the Lucifer he is, warts and all, for a long time. She has never needed him to be anything other than the kind, selfless, loving man he is. And it isn’t even that he would literally take a bullet for her, or for any of the people he’s come to regard as family, is that he wouldn’t even think about doing so. He never needed to be more to be loved by anyone …except himself. And isn’t that the hardest journey of all? The one of self-love?
ALL OF THEM
This was an emotional moment in a sea of emotional moments, but it says so much about Lucifer, so much about the relationship between him and Dan, so much about what this show has created between these characters, that it needs to be examined. The last two episodes of Lucifer Season 5B are Lucifer at his best, and this moment exemplifies why. He doesn’t even hesitate. What favor? All of them. Every single one. Even if that means there’s only a chance. A tiny one. He’d give up every favor just for the possibility they might find Dan.
A cynic might say this is about Chloe, and partly, it is. Lucifer is seeing her devastation and trying to fix it. But it’s also about Lucifer himself, about the person he is, and yes, about the affection he feels for Dan. On Earth Lucifer has found the family he never had in heaven, and as weird as it might seem, Dan is part of that. And he cannot bear to lose him, not when he could do something about it. So, Lucifer will leave no stone unturned when it comes to finding Dan.
Then, afterwards, he will leave no stone unturned when it comes to avenging him. That’s what you get when you mess with Lucifer’s family.
TELL TRIXIE THAT I LOVE HER
Dan and Chloe’s friendship has been perfectly explored in this last season of the show, but in general, the way the two have grown from romance, possible romance, to just two people who share a daughter, and no more romantic feelings, but have each other’s backs no matter what, has been amazing to see. And that’s why it had to be Chloe who found him, Chloe who was there to hold him, Chloe who got to hear his final words, about love for their daughter.
I broke long before Chloe got there, but I admit that nothing about this scene hit me as hard as Dan admitting he was scared. Because we all would be in that moment, wouldn’t we? Even if we had some knowledge of divinity, even if we felt we knew what was coming next …we would all be scared. And perhaps, we would all be reliving the bad moments. Perhaps we would also find the guilt that we thought we had moved past. Dan has always been the most human of these characters, and that’s why at times, he’s been harder to love, and at times, he’s been so so easy to relate to.
Dan wasn’t always one of my favorites, but it’s hard to argue against his arc being one of the best written ones, because the truth is, losing him right now is gut-wrenching, and that’s partly on great writing, partly on great acting, and can mostly be chalked up to the journey we’ve taken. Yes, it hurts, and that it hurts this much, considering where we started, feels like a win for the show. That when he said goodbye to Chloe, and subsequently, to us, it was almost too much to bear, means that everyone involved with this did their jobs to perfection.
I rarely noticed songs, but when, as Chloe holds Dan in her arms, song goes something like “there’s nothing but this feeling …” will haunt me for a while. The moment of loss often feels like that, like a void you can’t escape, and as the camera pans out on Chloe and Dan, we know Chloe is feeling that. But so are we, and that …that’s something no ordinary show can achieve.
PLEASE, TELL ME IT’S NOT TRUE
I think we will all, however, agree that the MVP of this episode, if there is one, isn’t even Kevin Alejandro, it’s Scarlett Estevez, as Trixie. I’ve had my own hospital scene, my own moment of no, this cannot be happening, even as deep down you know it is. I’ve gone through those five stages of grief in quick succession, and they never truly go in order, no matter what they tell you. You cycle between anger, denial and depression for a long time before you can move on, and sometimes it changes from an instant to the next, only to one moment later settle into one in a way that you don’t feel like you will ever be able to escape.
The show, and the actors, absolutely nail this moment. From Trixie telling Maze not to cry, because it’s not true. Because it will all be okay. Except you know, and she knows, that it won’t be okay. It won’t ever be okay. It might get better, but losing your father is a wound that will never heal. Trixie will never be the same person she was before she walked into that hospital room. That’s the truth. Doesn’t mean she can’t find happiness after; doesn’t mean she can’t heal. But she will never be the same. I have never been the same.
When Trixie asks Lucifer to tell her that it isn’t true, she’s asking both because she knows he never lies, and because she needs someone to lie to her, even if just for a little while. And Chloe breaks down behind her, because she knows what’s coming. She knows that Lucifer won’t give Trixie what she wants, and in this moment, that’s a kindness. The truth is always preferably to kind lies, even if the truth hurts. Even when the truth hurts.
Trixie is strong. She’ll get through this, just as so many of us have had to get through that loss, because there’s absolutely nothing else to do but get through it. Because that’s what the people we love would want from us. But that doesn’t mean a loss like this one doesn’t stay with you, and every person in that scene – and in the writers room – understood that feeling enough to transmit it. It makes the scene even more powerful, and even more heartbreaking.
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
And here, finally, Michael is revealed like a true villain. And I’m not saying he wasn’t before, gaslighting God into thinking he’s losing his powers is certainly bad, but that never felt as immediate to us as this moment feels. We’ve never hated Michael more than we do in this particular instant. And we’ve never felt more sadness at the way he’s exploited Lucifer’s weaknesses.
“So, you’re telling me that Trixie is in there right now crying herself to sleep, and the real reason that she’s gonna grow up without a father is because you still don’t know how I feel about you? How is that even possible?” Chloe asks Lucifer, after he fills her in on Michael’s plan, and the question is valid. How is it possible that he still doesn’t get it?
But this is Lucifer at his most human. That he’s let himself be manipulated by his fears, that he’s fallen for the trap Michael set, means that Lucifer is better than Michael. Because the only way you can set a trap like the one Michael set is if you don’t care about people, and Lucifer, he cares so much. About everyone. And in the end, that’s why he would be a much better God than Michael. You can’t rule over people you only see as pawns and do a good job. You need someone with Lucifer’s heart.
Or …do you? Is the real answer that God was only needed to set up the world and the rest is …should be, up to us? I have a feeling it might be, but that feels like season 6 kind of talk. For now, we still got one more episode of 5B to go, and it’s a doozy.
Things I think I think:
- Lucifer trying to sell himself to the other angels is kinda hilarious.
- “I’m not that guy anymore” is kind of a big admission, Lucifer.
- Literally no one’s team Lucifer, it’s kinda sad. And funny. Mostly sad.
- Everyone knows Michael’s a dick and they’re all I mean, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? Except it IS very much broke.
- Why would you need to pull Trixie out of school, Chloe?
- Hair-down Chloe is the best Chloe, I will hear no arguments to the contrary.
- Dan trying to fix Ella up with his old partner is the cutest.
- “I just think that you deserve someone equally as great as you are.”
- You know the joke’s funny when even Dan laughed! But Chloe, somehow, is immune to the Lucifer jokes.
- Lucifer trying to steal a wine bottle, lol.
- Why does Chloe look so beautiful this episode? I cannot stand it.
- Ella going from “very mucho not excited for you” to “pinche pendejo cabron” and then asking how Lucifer could be leaving her is both amazing and heartbreaking and come on, tell me this girl is going to find out before the show ends.
- “You may not be a real medium, but that is an excellent scam. Respect.”
- THE FOX JOKE.
- THE FOX JOKE.
- I’M DYING, THE FOX JOKE.
- This Dan and Trixie scene started the foreboding.
- “I’m going to become a policeman.”
- This Dan and Amenadiel convo is truly sad, all things considered.
- I’ll take all the mid-case PDA.
- ALABAMA.
- “I foresee great boredom in my future.”
- DON’T SAY TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM, DON’T SAY IT.
- “¿Mi hermanita, por favor”? YOU SLEPT TOGETHER
- LOL, Maze and Linda.
- “No, no. This is Daniel. He’s – he’s more than capable.”
- Chloe blaming herself is killing me and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET.
- The way Maze said “Who took Dan? I’ll kill him.”
- Glad they called Amenadiel too.
- The freaking song. I will never be able to hear it again without weeping.
- Ella with her rosario.
- Lucifer’s face at Trixie. Chloe’s face at Trixie.
- I’ve rewatched this episode 7 times, and I’ve sobbed Every. Single. Time.
- Maze’s FACE at Trixie, too.
- The way Lucifer says “my dear, sweet child.”
- At least the name Caleb meant something to Amenadiel.
- I mean, among the list of problems I do think the Flaming Sword is bigger than Gabriel.
- Lucifer telling Chloe right away shows a lot of growth.
- Carol Corbett is fine.
- “I think he was always looking out for everyone.”
- I’M CRYING AGAIN. WAIT, DID I EVER STOP?
- The way he turned in an application for Amenadiel.
- HOW IS DAN IN HELL?
- HOW CAN I MAKE IT WITH DAN IN HELL?
- SOMEONE HAS TO FIX THIS.
- “It’s not fair.”
- Amenadiel’s speech is almost unfair. I would like to be able to see the screen.
- “I promise you that whatever happens, from this day forward, I will always try and do better.”
- Lucifer and Maze at the end feels incredibly satisfying.
- “I don’t think pain should exist.”
- Count me in, Lucifer.
- “There are no words to convince me that the system isn’t broken.”
- “The system is not only broken. It’s unjust.”
Agree? Disagree? What did you think of Lucifer 5×15 “Is This Really How It’s Going to End?!”? Share with us in the comments below!
Lucifer season 5 B is available to stream on Netflix.
