New Amsterdam 4×13 “Family” is, like the title says, about family. About all kinds of family. The one you love, and the one you hate. The one you’re born into, and the one you create for yourself. The one you understand and the one that baffles you every time. The one that makes you laugh, and the one that makes you cry. Because whether we want them to or not, family shapes us. It makes us who we are.
For the better, yes. But also for the worse. Sometimes we triumph because of them, and sometimes …well, sometimes, we live our life trying to get away from what they instilled in us. But even in the bad moments, family is the thing we cling to. Family is the thing that brings us comfort. Family is …everything, even when it’s nothing.
New Amsterdam 4×13 “Family” is about saying goodbye. To family. Love. To the good parts. And it’s also about confronting the bad. It is a very fine line, but let’s try to walk it as we say goodbye to Dr. Vijay Kapoor.
WE’RE FAMILY
Helen said it right at the end, even if it took her a while to get there. Max, Helen, Lauren, Floyd, Iggy and Vijay, they were family. And distance matters not when it comes to family. That applies not just for Max and Helen, who’ve spent a few episodes away, also for one Vijay Kapoor. The kind soul, the great friend, the man who always knew how to make you feel loved.
When Anupam Kher had to be written out of the show, it felt good to have hope that, somehow, Dr. Kapoor could come back. That he wasn’t lost forever. I won’t say it feels good to lose him now, because of course it doesn’t. It never could. But his death hits as hard as it does now, even considering his absence, not just because of who he was, but also because of what he represents.
He wasn’t the glue that held everyone together, not necessarily, but he was a piece of the puzzle that can never be replaced. But that’s life, in a way. You lose things you don’t want to lose; things you don’t think you can survive without. And somehow you go on. Somehow you make it through. And so, will these people. Hopefully they’ll carry Vijay Kapoor with them. Hopefully they’ll allow his memory to make them better people, better doctors.
And perhaps us, the fans, can take a moment to mourn not just Dr. Kapoor, but the countless unnamed medical professionals who, like him, lost their lives during this pandemic. And as we do that, we should do our best to honor them – by doing our best not to put others at risk.
TIME TO LET GO
Dr. Wilder has been the kind of addition to New Amsterdam whose impact is hard to put into words, and New Amsterdam 4×13 “Family” was a great showcase as to why. We had an entire conversation in ASL, and that wasn’t even the more important thing about her storyline. In fact, her entire story was about how, sometimes, the people you love need your help, and sometimes …. they need you to let them go.
Love feels like it should be about holding on, all the time. It often is, of course, because so often the people we love need exactly that from us. But sometimes love is also about understanding when to take a step back, when to trust that the person you love will be okay without you to prop them up.
Because family isn’t meant to be a crutch, just a support. We all have our lives to live, and our mistakes to make. The important thing is that the family that loves you will always, always be there, waiting by the door.
BURDEN ME
It’s easier to be upset at Helen than it is to try to understand her, but there are many things to consider about her journey in New Amsterdam 4×13 “Family,” starting with the fact that mothers …they get to you more than anyone. Even when you tell yourself you shouldn’t care. Even when you promise that you’re not going to let them affect you.
Helen’s mother didn’t just tell an innocuous lie, no. Instead, what she did shaped her daughter in a bad way. And Helen sees it. She understands that so many of her issues with trust, with men, with intimacy, stem from her mother’s lies. But understanding doesn’t mean processing. And as much as Helen loves Max, what she needs to even start unpacking her relationship with her mother is, honestly, therapy.
These issues are, of course, compounded by Max’s good intentions and his lateness. Not because Helen is upset at Max per se, but because it puts him in the right place at the right time for her to lash out. And let’s be clear, like Helen says at the end, she considers Max family. She considered him that before they started dating, moved in together and basically started co-parenting Luna. It’s just that …when it’s just the two of them, the word feels heavier.
When it’s just the two of them the word means not just yes, I will help you raise your daughter, and yes, we will live together, it also means yes, I will trust you with the ugly parts of me, of my history. I will tell you about my rage, and my regrets. Plus, it means, above all things, I will trust that you will still love me, despite those. And these things might seem obvious to a couple that’s in their position, but Helen and Max, they moved from zero to a thousand. They’ve missed so many conversations.
But they’re trying. They’re together. And after an episode where she should have strangled Max at least three different times, it’s kinda refreshing to see Helen get a turn, not at being Max, she couldn’t, but at saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. Relationships aren’t about perfect words. They aren’t about right or wrong. Instead, they’re about making the decision to try, every day. Together.
Even when it’s hard. No, especially when it’s hard. Whatever comes next might not be easy. It might not be a straight line. But I have faith in Sharpwin. Now, more than ever.
Things I think I think:
- LUNA IS SO CUTE. How is she so cute?
- I know protecting the kids that play Luna is the most important thing, but I’d give a lot for some family scenes.
- Can this guy stop flirting with Iggy? This storyline has the potential to be more annoying than Floyd’s.
- Dr. Wilder’s brother?
- This shower scene. The intimacy. The conversation once Helen gets out of the shower. Max getting out too. The kisses. I love ALL OF IT.
- Eight weeks?!
- I refuse to say Iggy’s right, but …
- LOLOL Floyd being like I was going to cave eventually, so here’s the information.
- Iggy making sense, what is this?
- Everyone came to help. I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.
- Freema Agyeman deserves an award or five, not just for this episode.
- There was a point where I could have punched Helen’s mom. You don’t need to give birth to a kid to be their mom.
- The case this episode had me sobbing.
- I hate the fact that I was right about Kapoor.
- Also, like, there’s no way Lauren is really leaving, right?
Agree? Disagree? What did you think of New Amsterdam 4×13 “Family”? Share with us in the comments below!
New Amsterdam airs Tuesdays on NBC.
Yes I want to see Max and Helen deal with problems that comes up their saying Burden Me love it when u work hard thru the rough times the easy ones just fall in place we are not perfect we love that person with all their little annoyance and after Helen deals with the pain of her mother she can love Max and Luna like she was at the hospital and the Dam Fam work thru their issues also cause like the title said Family and to me I no my family is everything thru the good and the bad and I have been thru some bad times ups and downs ins and out and we are closer stronger and better Max and Helen and The Dam Fam you guys are going to be alright the storm is about to pass and I wish you all Joy in your lives cause you guys are a great group of people love my New Amsterdam love you