New York City is either a place that you love or you or you hate. Sure, there is the middle ground, but if you find yourself along that path, New York may not be the place for you.
When Sam returns to New York, you instantly see her come alive. It’s as if she’s this person that she was meant to be, that she’s always wanted to be. It affects her in a different way than she’s used to. Why? Because she’s realizing that she doesn’t remember half of what happened. There are just feelings about the place, but she’s not sure what happened at most places.
And that can be one of the scariest things of all.
Her bringing James to New York to be a part of her return is a big thing. He may not get it, but I think he does. He’s there for his own pitch, but he knows that they’re both finding their way.
That and their attraction makes for some awkwardness, but it’s what we needed.
OLIVIA THE MAMA
Olivia and her wife are looking for a sperm donor, but Olivia is distracted. Sometimes I wonder how these two are married, because they are so opposite and her wife doesn’t seem supportive of her recovery or her being there for others at all. It just feels weird.
I am so not invested in her wife’s story because she just has annoyed me and seemed whiny. She’s going through IVF and hey, I am all for this. But I also wonder how she thinks she’s going through this because she seems as annoying as ever.
Sometimes she makes sense because she tells Olivia that she wants to have the baby and she’s close, but she wants to know if she’s there too. Does she want the kid also?
Olivia just feels it is wrong to bring a man into the relationship, and she feels like that would be the case with a baby. Stephanie spews some knowledge that makes Olivia see that a baby doesn’t have to mean the things she thinks it does. It just needs to be loved.
Sam arrives at SMUG, which quite honestly is giving me some anxiety, cause I am like wait a second – why are all of these people in the same room with no mask. It feels scary.
She looks a little terrified to be there, but that’s okay. Why? Because I think that it’s going to be one of those things that pushes her to figure out what she wants to do and if NYC is the best place for her.
Nathaniel calls her up and says that her piece was brilliant, but it’s not for them. They are looking for a voice that is female, snarky, and bitchy – kinda. Not in a mean way. She thinks she can do it, after all it’s covering events and such.
Look, he’s a first class dick and keeps making shit worse – well for me. The words come out of his mouth so easily, but I happen to be offended by the way he talks down to her. She’s made her mistakes. But him asking if he was her rock bottom – well, fuck you dude.
I get that people are curious when it comes to anything but by the look on his face, he wants to be her rock bottom. Like it’s a badge of honor. It’s not. He wants juvenile shit, but Sam wants to grow up.
It’s the most awkward shit ever.
James seems just as if he’s even more afraid than Sam. He’s sitting in the office, waiting to be called. The guy comes out to get him and asks where his team is. James is the team.
James has done everything by himself and the way that the man looks at him is if he’s afraid of him – cause he’s smarter than him. Yes, I am going to say that he is.
The room is filled with some people who look interested and some who look as thought they are checking their email. But James is poised and put together. He knows recovery and what people need.
I admire the fact that he genuinely wants to make recovery a better place for people going through it. The head of the company wants the app – he apparently knew that he wanted it before James even got there.
James looks equal parts terrified and equal parts proud.
THE STREETS OF NEW YORK
Sam stops to get a dirty water dog (that’s a hotdog and what I call them) and the guy says that she’s “hot dog no relish girl.” He wondered if she was alive. She seems to be amazed that this was her, and that he thought that she was doing well, because she needed him to break a hundred.
The money isn’t hers, she thinks that her Mom put it in her bag and calls her for a thank you. You think that Carol would take a win, but she gets off the phone and knows it’s Bob that did it. So she wants to know why he would and did and didn’t ask her. He didn’t think it would be a thing.
And if anything I personally think she should be happy that he loves her and loves her daughter.
But back to New York. Sam gets a call that people from the SMUG office are going out and she should come. Again, he’s a dick to her, making Sam doubt herself. But she has a reason to doubt everything that he says.
Because when she shows up to the get together, he makes everything weird. He tells everyone that she’s sober, but the weird part was he tells everyone that she’s up for the party position, but had told her basically that it would be more of a cultural thing. The guy before her apparently partied too hard and ruined his life.
You can see the tension rising on Sam’s face and I am not shocked when she says she needs to step out. And what she ends up doing is running because she’s having a panic attack.
Thank God James shows up as usual when she needs him. He’s good like that.
Sam wants to go back to New York, but going back to New York brings up a lot of feelings. She has a lot of feelings about being back there and feeling all the feelings that New York brings out of her.
But that’s the thing about New York. It does that. It makes you feel alive, it makes you see what you need, and sometimes it helps you forget.
Sometimes it helps you remember.
And right now, I am not sure, for Sam, which one is better.
- Carol telling Bob that she misses her husband and that he was subbing in for someone who wasn’t there and him taking her in his arms – I like the two of them.
- James and Sam and the tension between them could have its own section but I refuse to get my hopes up.
- When James tells Sam that he doesn’t know how much longer he can say no…
- Felicia checking in on her – that’s the friend we all need.