Chicago P.D. 9×15 “Gone” is an intense, heartbreaking episode that hits you where it hurts and keeps on hitting you, in a way that makes you wonder if you can even continue taking the hits. But Kim Burgess is taking them, and Adam Ruzek is taking them, so you have to.
The episode is, ostensibly, about the Burzek family. But it’s also about the larger family this unit hasn’t always shown us it is, and yet, that this episode manages to show without going overboard and without taking time away from the people at the center of this — Kim and Adam. It’s a brilliant episode in that regard, with great visuals and amazing performances, that keep you on the edge of your seat.
It is a particularly great episode for Kim Burgess, one that shows the kind of human she is. This isn’t about who she is as a cop, but who she is as a person, as a mother, as a partner. Because Kim Burgess starts the episode shattered. She’s panicking, and she’s breaking down. But she pulls it together, because she’s a mother. And she demands the same of Adam, because he’s a father. And he’s her partner. Her support system.
This thing Kim and Adam are going through, it’s a parent’s worst nightmare. I don’t blame Adam for losing it because one never knows how one would react in such a situation. Could you keep your cool? I’m not sure I could. Adam hasn’t ever been known for that, after all. But I relate so much more to Kim in this hour, to the way she’s breaking apart but still moving, because that’s what her kid needs her to do. Even if that leads her to say words I’m not sure she means, because she’s trying to take control. She’s trying to protect her daughter.
But perhaps the most important plot point of the episode has to do with the Burzek relationship, or with the family they’ve created. Because it’s a tenuous thing; it always has been. In many ways, they’ve always been a family, they’ve always been partners, and they have always loved each other. Basically from the beginning. They’ve just had trouble putting all that together. And it feels like in this episode, it all breaks.
Not because Kim puts her kid above Adam, though she does. But because Kim makes it clear Makayla is her kid, not Adam’s. Despite saying our kid over and over in this hour, and despite the fact that yes, Adam wasn’t exactly rational when he was arguing with Kim, the words “my daughter” feel like a slap in the face to him, and in that moment at the end, he can’t keep pretending anymore. He can’t keep playing house.
In a way, though, perhaps this is what needed to happen. Maybe they were too comfortable in the status quo. Maybe they needed to break so they can be remade again, into something better. Makayla is their daughter. But for her to truly be that, there needs to be more than this living-together-without-definition. And it needs to be that way not just for their sake, but for Makayla’s too.
Kim and Adam being together, it wouldn’t be a leap of faith at this point. They know each other. Good and bad. The part of her that doesn’t trust Adam and reacts the way she did this hour, and the part of Adam that doesn’t think straight when his loved ones are on the line, those are not surprises. These are just things that have been hidden, obscured by the happy life they’ve been leading, that happy life that was never sustainable because it had no foundation.
Whatever Adam and Kim build from this, they have to build it with both eyes open. They have to choose it. And they have to put a name to it. Otherwise, they’ll just keep inadvertently hurting each other, and in the process, hurting Makayla. You put your kid first, right? Well, it’s time they truly did that.
Things I think I think:
- This is going to be a rough hour.
- Hand in arm killed me.
- The way this whole thing is shot, with Kim sort of in and out …it was so good, and so real.
- “She’s our kid. OUR KID.”
- Jay pulling Adam back while Hailey did the same to Kim was A LOT.
- Isn’t it hilarious when Voight lectures people on rules?
- And then DOESN’T FOLLOW THROUGH in the way he needs to protect his people.
- Generally in awe of Kim Burgess, but even more this episode. How is she still functional? How does she have it in her to comfort Adam? How was she breaking and then put herself back together?
- “You hold on, because I need you to hold on.”
- A lot of subtle Kim/Hailey in this episode, and I love it.
- Kevin’s “I got you,” got ME.
- The “she’s my daughter” hurt me as much as it hurt Adam.
- When Voight has to get in the middle of your fight, that’s when you know you’ve hit rock bottom.
- When Makayla called Kim mom, my heart grew three sizes.
- I was worried about Mak there for a minute, I’m not gonna lie. I’m glad she’s okay.
- Makayla Burgess Ruzek future anyone?
Agree? Disagree? What did you think of Chicago P.D. 9×15 “Gone”? Share with us in the comments below!
Chicago P.D. airs Wednesdays on NBC.