Marriage is hard. I understand that. I can’t imagine being alive in a time where marriage included the pressure to get pregnant. Ya, no. I am not now, nor will I ever be defined by my ability to have kids. I can’t, so I would have been dead had I married a prince.
The thing that I love about The Serpent Queen is that it breaks the fourth wall and it gives no fucks. Catherine de Medici is a bad ass. She’s like I am who I am and if you don’t like it – she doesn’t care.
As a matter of fact she’s going to reward you if she likes you. She’s going to make sure that she protects you if she likes you. She’s going to teach you how to be a petty bitch and we are here for it.
She rewards loyalty with loyalty. She has a plan.
She always has a plan.
But that’s because she’s smart and knows that she has to be cunning to survive at french court.
It’s been a year since Henry left for war and he’s returned. He’s written Catherine these letters that make her believe that amazing things are going to happen. But he leaves out one big thing.
He’s knocked up a woman and is returning with his daughter. Ya, he’s like hey, I’m back here’s my kid.
Now, she can’t say a thing about it because, you know at that point in history, women were not allowed to have an opinion or say anything. But my husband cheats on me, I would come out swinging. You want to hang me, go ahead, but I will make sure that he is not able to have anymore kids before I go.
That being said, Catherine handles it like a champ, with Diane’s help. Sure, I am not a fan of Diane, because well, she’s a manipulative and she is straight up creepy. Diane knows that this Philipa person, along with a baby, puts a hindrance in both their standings at court. So she’s willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that they both stay.
Including sending Henry to Catherines bed. She tells him that it’s because he needs to produce an heir – which hey – is they truth. No lies detected. The thing is that Henry obviously cares about Catherine, he wants to protect her, but he also doesn’t seem to know how to be a decent human being. He doesn’t love her, and if he does, he doesn’t show it.
She’s a duty to him and it’s not that I am judging, but I am judging. It’s like he’s this likable character and then he does stupid shit and you’re like well, this is weird. Henry gets turned on by bible quotes. That shit is just weird. We know everyone has their kinks, but some of this shit is just cray.
Henry and Catherine have sex, which like is the oddest thing to see. Also something I don’t ever want to see again if I don’t have to. Like it’s just a whole factor of weirdness. And don’t get me wrong, I do get and understand that they are exaggerating a lot and that the whole way that they are framing this show is more along the lines of The Great versus Becoming Elizabeth. I can respect that.
It’s just sometimes I forget that though and I am like meh, what is happening and then I remember and I am like oh ya, that makes sense.
Because Catherine is so smart and cunning others want to kill her. The Dauphin is screwing one of Catherine’s attendants, and gets a visit, talking about how it would be so much better for him if she was gone. He says no, but he does realize after a bit of time that it may be the best thing for him.
And Catherine is attacked. She’s dragged off her horse, but manages to make a run for it and hide. Being as I know that she survived, cause hey, the story is told from the older her POV, I wasn’t shocked when they didn’t get her. What I was surprised over is that Henry came looking for her.
I guess that it’s another sign that Henry cares. Do I believe that Henry does? I don’t know. I think that for him everything is a sense of duty versus a sense of reality.
It’s kind of a crazy thing to me, how much Henry is influenced by everyone else. We don’t know all that he’s been through, but it’s a lot. And creepy ass Diane has influenced him to be the man that he is now. She’s not done a great job at it, but part of me can’t blame her for not knowing how to handle it, because she’s like a child that hasn’t grown up. Still hate her, and still think she’s a wacko.
The whole point of this episode though is what Catherine is doing whatever she can to get pregnant. And she does just that by making a deal with a magician. Only thing is that she’s going to have to pay a price for it and the price ends up being rater huge.
The Dauphin dies and even though the doctor says that it is because of an enlarged heart, the King is convinced that someone murdered his son. He’s not willing to let that go and orders the person who poisoned him to be found.
Well, it turns out clues lead to Catherine’s dressmaker, and she’s gotta give him up for the crime. Even though he didn’t commit one. The magician did tell her that there would be a price to pay and it would be one she didn’t like. You could see that it killed her to have to do it.
But she did it.
She did it and the price for her getting pregnant was revealed. It was her dressmakers death. Watching his body getting torn apart was something I never wanted to see – literally gagged. But I wasn’t the only one. Catherine also gagged.
Only she gagged and threw up cause she was pregnant. I guess making a deal with the devil worked for her.
I was glad that we were introduced to a new character, Mary Queen of Scots. Does this mean we’re going to get more of Catherine in the present? Hopefully.
OTHER THOUGHTS
- Rahima getting away with blowing up the bread… I clapped.
- The Queen saying if anyone touches her maid – take that biotches.
- The Dauphin is an asshole
- I don’t understand how Henry can like Diane after she makes his daughter go away
- Catherine scares the shit out of me
- I hated the Dauphin so much his death didn’t phase me cause he’s such a dick
- The way Catherine shrugged when the Dauphin went down, I got it
- I love this show, but I hate them for the fact I will never eat a cantaloupe again
The Serpent Queen airs new episodes Sunday on Starz.