Benson and Stabler, Bensler, EO, Elliot and Olivia…Whatever you want to call them, maybe you’re down bad enough to curse your Halloween by paying tribute to them and/or their messy not-relationship. Well, even if it’s a bit last minute, we’ve got you covered. Or the Spirit Halloween meme does, at least.
If you’ve missed out on the meme but happen to ship this frustratingly infinitely-sluggish slow burn of a ship, you’ll still be able to follow. Trust us.
1. The scariest Bensler costume of all…
Ghosts may be great Halloween costumes and all, and some of us may even love a spooky ghost story here or there. But getting ghosted by your partner? Not cool.
So, if you want to piece together the scariest Bensler costume of all, just do nothing. Don’t show up. Become the most — single most — important person in your partner’s life and just…disappear.
Spot an incoming call from the one true love of your life? Ignore it. Delete the voicemail without listening to it. Repeat as necessary.
Basically, just F off to Europe, and don’t look back for at least a decade. When you come back, make sure to make a bonus disappearing act for an undercover stint just as things are starting to look up. For old times’ sake…or whatever. But wait! There’s more! Somewhere along the way, feel free to have an almost kiss in your girl’s kitchen, carry her bridal-style during a case, and still…go nowhere. Ever. Fancy gifts before you disappear for 84 more years optional. She’ll pawn them off on some rude mother from some case she inexplicably got too involved in anyway.
After all, nothing screams “Benson and Stabler” like sending the Olivia to your Elliot out into the world, completely alone. You don’t even have to actually buy anything remotely resembling a costume — because nobody will be seeing you for a long, long time.
2. Stabler, in a nutshell.
Looking for something a little bit more visible? One thing Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler love is fighting as a substitute for…you know. What we’re saying here is Olivia might not want the “poster boy for rage” telling her how to control her anger, but we all know she does want him for other things.
The Elliot Stabler knockoff “Poster Boy For Rage” costume comes complete with everything to guarantee your fellow Bensler stans at the Halloween party just know you’re actually him. This costume’s got everything: from anger issues, to Catholic guilt, from baldness to way too many kids, and a trademark inability to cover up that hella-defined man chest.
In fact, while the costumes may be inconsistent in terms of what kind of shirts they come with — some may be henleys, while others may be hoodies or even business button-downs — they just won’t be able to be zipped, buttoned, or otherwise closed. It’s the only way to stay authentic.
Good luck to you if you don’t have Christopher Meloni’s workout routine — and no, there’s no cake in that cheap package either.
3. The perfect couples’ costume for EO shippers.
Captain Cragen may have wanted his two emotionally-stunted underlings to spare him the mutual strokefest, but we never had a problem with watching it. Or, rather, our only problem with it is that it’s never gone anywhere.
Anyway.
This “Emotionally Stunted Cops” Halloween costume comes with so much emotional baggage, and so many missed opportunities, even the most mature adults will look on in horror. And you’ll really, really need all the chocolate candy you thought you were giving out to trick-or-treaters for yourself. Because, fair warning: You’re going to have a lot of feelings to eat.
Proceed with caution when you’re out on the town in this one: If the shippers see you and start screaming at you or otherwise ignoring your boundaries, it’s just that all these years of shipper starvation have led to some very, very embarrassing behavior. We apologize in advance.
Honestly, the only desirable thing about this look is the rank kink.
So, maybe spring for “Blonde Cop and ADA” instead. At least they’re happily married.
4. You could always go as SVU‘s Captain…
These days, Law & Order: SVU‘s Captain Olivia Benson is about as gorgeous as ever. Which, frankly, is: 1) not fair and 2) further evidence that Elliot Stabler is an idiot. So, between that and all the many reasons she’s a beacon of hope, light, and love, it’s a natural choice to want to be her — for Halloween or otherwise.
But, buyer beware: This “SVU Captain” costume comes with years and years of PAIN, a blazer — which could fall anywhere on the “hot AF” to “boxy nightmare” spectrum. Which, if you’re not Mariska Hargitay, being able to pull off both and still look good might be…eh, how you say…tricksy.
As the Captain, you’ll also rock a phone that’s always on. But it’s defective — the stupid thing is never quite able to connect with that bald “friend” you might be madly in love with. On the rare occasion it does connect, the whole conversation will feel rushed, shoved in, and not at all “earned.”
For the updated 2024 version of this costume, some unlucky customers will wind up with the Bizarro-Land version of the SVU Captain. See also: All that weird behavior in the series’ 25th season. And although it’s not listed as one of the included items, we’ve got intel that there may even be a mystery letter in that baggie. Utterly terrifying.
5. This one’s for the kiddos.
If Mom’s dressing up as Olivia, and Dad’s dressing up as Elliot, then the obvious final piece to your family Halloween horror show is the kid that’s…never there.
That’s right, folks! We’ve got Noah Benson-Stabler costumes for y’all. It’s for the kid who loves to dance and is at a never-ending sleepover. Is the costume age appropriate? Well, you’re in luck! Nobody actually knows Noah Benson Stabler’s age, so it works for any age, at any time, even if you feel like babying an aged-up version of the character.
Oh. And if you think you saw him meeting Zaddy Stabler, no, you didn’t.
Bonus…Just go as one of us.
If you don’t feel like dressing up, but you happen to be an EO shipper, we’ve got news for you: You’ve been wearing your clown costume for years. Who needs to dress up for Halloween when you’re already sporting all that makeup?
You can catch the real Benson and Stabler in Law & Order: SVU and Law & Order: Organized Crime, Thursdays at 9/8c and 10/9c respectively, on NBC.
😂 spot on.
Thank you, thank you.