Mariska Hargitay and Ice-T recently took a trip “down memory lane to celebrate and reminisce about some of SVU’s most pivotal moments” with Entertainment Weekly, and the fandom is having a blast with a lot of it. As fandom does, especially when Hargitay just casually shows up, looking like that. But let’s just say there’s also an elite squad of dedicated fangirls (and probably also fanboys and fan-thems) that’s about to yeet Mr. Christopher Meloni into the sun. Or, eh. Perhaps it’s easier to just say we’re they’re putting this man on blast — and on notice.
At this point, you’re probably like “omg. A fellow Meloni anti!!” In which case, we’re like first of all, read our previous work, bestie. And second, when it comes to this particular moment in time…yes, actually. But not in the way you think. You see, we’re still fans. Like, big fans. Huge fans, even, of this man, his talent, and his other assets. But we also can not cope with seeing Hargitay watch that moment (when Olivia finds out Elliot’s not coming back) and get that emotional, even after all these years, even with both Meloni and his big, dumb character back. And nobody comes for Meloni like Meloni fans — especially when we think about those years when he abandoned us Hargitay Law & Order: SVU.
When Mariska Hargitay cries, we cry.
Is it even possible to be ok about this? Just no. Absolutely not. We can’t deal. That deep breath Mariska takes to try to collect herself? Ouch. Not ok. At all!
The fandom rides for Hargitay at dawn…And here’s hoping Chris Meloni is ready for us them.
(This is all in good fun. Please do not send the real cops after us. But for anyone who seriously has ideas about hunting Meloni down: Don’t actually do that. We hope we don’t have to waste time pointing that out, but people are weird sometimes, so.
Just a PSA: Stalking is bad, actually. Don’t do it.
Consequences for Meloni’s crimes against humanity Hargitay…
Some folks are considering legal action against the Chris in Chriska. Which, actually…can we get in on that action? Because we’ve been wondering where to send our therapy bills for all the pain SVU, and EO specifically, has caused us for years.
We can definitely get behind the idea of seeking damages. For sure. We even know of a few fictional lawyers who could help…Although, since he’s back in the franchise, and they’ve never stopped being friends that we know of, it’s probably fine. Probably.
Even so…
…daily groveling at Hargitay’s feet, just in case, isn’t exactly a bad idea! Actually, let’s make it official. We sentence Meloni to a lifetime of repentance. It is law. (Can we get a “dun, dun”?)
…but it’s not all bad news for the bald man.
Let’s be real for a second. Because, in all fairness — which, to be clear, seeing someone who ranks as high on our list of faves as Mariska Hargitay does in that kind of pain makes it very difficult to be fair — Chris Meloni probably isn’t really the one we should (still) be mad at.
…it’s just easier because he’s right there and (somewhat) easily accessible online, usually giving us some good laughs while he dunks on terrible people and encourages the occasional fangirling. But hey! If he, Mariska Hargitay, and all the higher-ups want to go ahead and make that compass actually lead Liv to El’s lips, or bed…or whatever…it’ll be a lot easier for us to move on. Just saying!
Anyway. Thoughts and prayers to that man, and may he never, ever leave us Hargitay again. Or else. Not that she needs us to defend her to the death or anything, but if we have to choose? We’ve got our/his “gurlfren’s” back.
Law & Order: SVU Season 25 airs Thursdays at 9/8c on NBC. You can catch Christopher Meloni as the bald bitch who ghosted us for 10 years Detective Stabler on Law & Order: Organized Crime at 10/9c.
