Like most companies, Experian is trying to get into the Super Bowl of it all. From car commercials to food commercials, this is the time for everyone to bring out the big guns and try to A) weird us out or B) try to REALLY weird us out. There’s no in-between or regular way to get your brand name out there. That’s especially true if you want to stand out amongst the dozens of other commercials. And for Experian, they decided to bring in John Cena.
In the commercial, which we’ve linked below, Cena is jolly and happy. He’s paying his rent on time and somehow it has something to do with his credit. And I know that Experian doesn’t truly care about conveying their new feature because of that damn cow. That’s what they want you to remember. That and the fact that Cena is way too happy paying rent in a world where rent is exploitative and where having a home over your head should be a human right.
Also, when was the last time John Cena paid rent?
Besides that, this commercial looks like that SNL Digital Short from 2013 with Andy Samberg where he was having a great day. Drugs could explain why Cena is being followed around by a purple cow who wants his hard cold cash. And who ends up dancing with him on the street in a neighborhood that is A) a set or B) an expensive neighborhood where you make enough to pay rent. But again, that purple cow. Why was it sleeping with Cena? And why are all those other people happy to pay rent?
Ultimately, I’ve got to conclude that this is a fever dream courtesy of Jakob Toretto. Maybe this commercial is a nightmare remnant of the dark life he’s walked down. One where he didn’t have to worry about rent anymore or how to bring home the bacon. (Or milk? I don’t know. I’m trying to figure out the cow.) I mean, the Fast and Furious gang has gone to space and somehow Cipher is still alive in the Fast X trailer.
Yeah, that’s what this is. Jakob is trapped along with Letty and Cipher. Being experimented on. And he needs to be saved ASAP before the cow returns, with the cow being a representation of his deep and dark repressed guilt about what happened with Papa Toretto. Again, this commercial is crazy enough that anything is possible. And the Fast Family has gone to space. This being a Jakob Toretto nightmare isn’t really that far out of a possibility.
