Pain. I feel a lot of pain. I feel a lot of confusion. I feel a lot of wonder. The most important note is – I feel. I feel something because this television show is making me feel. It’s making me think about the ups and downs, the ins and outs, and the way that life goes on.
And all we’re left with is memories. Some of them will devour us. Some of them will make us happy. Some will make us do crazy things.
But the thing about memories is we’re always going to want to hang onto them, because in hanging onto them, we find a way to be alive or to keep something alive. For the Fisher boys, the house in Cousin’s is all that they have left. It’s the memories that live in that house that keep them going.
Conrad disappearing really screwed with Belly and Jeremiah. They both were worried and after seeing this episode, I wonder why. I love Conrad, truly I do. But nothing he has done has ever made me more angry than him being like “whats she doing here.”
The thing about Conrad is that he needs help and is disguising his need for help by being an asshole. He’s being an asshole that hurts people, because he is hurting. He doesn’t want to talk about his anxiety or admit it is there.
I don’t think that Conrad thinks that he is worthy of love, but what he’s missing is that he is supposed to be loved, that he didn’t have to push anyone away. But that’s what he’s done.
THE PROBLEM
We find out that their Aunt Julia is selling the house. I don’t understand how when Susannah died, that the half of the house she owned didn’t go to the boys. But it went to her sister, who is cold and just wants to sell it. She won’t listen to Conrad (but why would she, he’s a dick) or Jeremiah, and basically tells them that if they want the house, they’ll have to buy it.
While you can tell that they want the house and that their memories mean everything to them, you can tell that Julia hates it. There is something there.
When Jeremiah can’t charm someone you know that there is an issue with that person, because he truly can charm anyone. When Jeremiah reaches his breaking point and throws jabs at his aunt – reminding her that she didn’t even show up for her sisters funeral, I knew that he was done.
Leave it to Belly though to remind Jeremiah that what is needed right now for him to stand with Conrad. It’s important that the two show a united front, especially speaking with their Dad.
Now we all know that Mr. Fisher isn’t the kindest with Conrad, but Jeremiah can usually talk to him. He won’t let them use their trust funds to buy the house.
He’s not hearing them. To me it’s not a matter of them buying the house. It’s a matter of them hanging on to their legacy. It’s a matter of them hanging on to their Mom. So him refusing to help them is like telling them that they need to let go. Neither one of them are going to do that.
They’ve already lost too much.
THE FUNERAL AND THE PROM
Conrad Fisher sucks. Right now, he sucks so bad. Granted, I am still Team Conrad, but I am also angry at him. We find out what happened at the prom and what happened at the funeral and I am mad.
Because Conrad Fisher sucked.
I know that he’s acted out because his Mom was sick and because she died. But he is doing things that wouldn’t make his Mom happy. Instead he’s doing things that would disappoint her.
At prom, he was distant. He was distant and he was drifting away from Belly. She felt it. She knew that something was up and was doing everything that she could to hang onto the moment. Only Conrad, he pushed her. He pushed her away and she knew what was happening.
He wasn’t going to say it, but Belly was. She told him to say that they were done. She told him then to not say a word.
Conrad Fisher broke her heart. When it’s your first love, that heartbreak is devastating. It’s something that will stay with her forever.
Now, do I think that Conrad wants to do that? No. I think that he wants to love her with his whole heart and unconditionally, but his fear of loosing her or not being good enough for her is overwhelming him. His fear of loosing his Mom is scaring him.
But he broke her heart and I do think that will be one of his biggest regrets forever. Well that is, until the funeral.
At the funeral, Belly goes to bring him food and what is he doing? He’s being comforted by another girl and the heartbreak on Belly’s face was enough. When she ran out and Conrad chased her, the things that he said were just unforgivable. Even me, a diehard Conrad supporter, could not support him.
What happened at the funeral should not have happened, but I do understand Belly’s reaction. I don’t understand why it happened – like why no one stopped them. I don’t understand why Conrad can be so cold, but then again, I know that hurt people hurt people.
Doesn’t make it okay, but it happens. Belly has every reason to hate him and he has no right to hate her.
STEVEN
One thing about The Summer I Turned Pretty is that all of the group – Taylor, Belly, Steven, Conrad, and Jeremiad will always be there for each other. Steven isn’t taking not being in Cousins well, so he decides that he’s going.
And he tells Taylor that he’s going. Which she tells him that she’s going too.
One thing about Taylor – while she’s not my favorite person, she is loyal and that makes her a good person to me. She loves Belly and I do think that her feelings for Steven do run deep. She just doesn’t know how to feel it. So when given the chance, she’s going to be loyal to Belly, but she’s also going to be there for Steven.
Sometimes people need hard truths and she is willing to give them. She’s willing to be a bitch in order to show Steven that he needs to be a better brother. Her tough love seems to be the only thing he responds to.
But what I also love about Steven is that he wants to be a good brother. He wants Belly to know that she’s loved and protected and he really doesn’t want to see her hurt. He just sucks ass at showing it.
When he and Taylor arrive in Cousins, Belly just knows. She’s just glad he’s there.
That’s the thing, sometimes we have to realize that there are bigger things happening in the world and we have to forgive. We have to move on. We have to be there for the bigger things.
We have to realize that people are there for us and the bigger things are sometimes where we see who people are.
You can see what people need.
Steven being there was something Conrad needed. See, Conrad had a panic attack and tried to disguise it, but Steven knew that something was wrong. He followed him out to the beach.
And though this episode leaves us off wondering what happened on the beach, I have to say I am conflicted.
I have loved these books for years and for the first time, I don’t like Conrad Fisher and feel bad for him at the same time. It’s weird, because I am Team Conrad til I die. But homie, pull your shit together and let people know who you are.
OTHER THOUGHTS
- Gavin is blowing me away with how vulnerable he’s playing Jeremiah. Love it.
- Conrad Fisher needs to realize he can’t do everything on his own.
- Taylor’s tude is sometimes my favorite thing
- I wonder what will happen when Laurel finds out that they are all in Cousins
- Definitely don’t like the aunt.
