I thought I knew what I was getting into when I started Baby Reindeer on Netflix. The trailer for this limited series introduced us to Donny Dunn, a struggling comedian who does one act of kindness and finds himself stuck with a stalker in the form of Martha. With the music in the background and the tense shots they used in the official trailer, I knew that Richard Gadd and Jessica Gunning were going to give a twisted but amazing performance. And after watching I totally agree they did. They killed it. But I came into this show thinking that it was going to be a thriller that eventually spirals into an act of violence where she kills him or he kills her. Thrillers I can do. But I couldn’t do what this show is actually about; sexual abuse and how it changes who you are in fundamental and surprising ways.
You get a hint of this abuse that Donny went through during the moment in the trailer where Martha susses out that someone had hurt him. But I was so taken in by the rest of the trailer and how they made it seem like these two were the only thing you had to worry about because it was a dark comedy, that I put whatever dark secret he had to the back burner. And when it was revealed that he was a victim of rape, by then I was too deep into the show. I could have stopped. That’s completely on me for continuing to watch the show. But I am at the point in my healing that I wish shows were a little bit more clear when it comes to sexual assault being part of their show. Because I know it’s important to tell the stories and seldom do we see stories where men explore their trauma. But I would have liked a more clear understanding of what this mini series was about before I got invested in Donny and his journey. Just so I could prepare. That’s why I feel the trailer promised one thing on the show gave me another. But that’s just me.
And that one main gripe aside, I do think that the show took an opportunity to explore a journey that does not get talked about. Because we have plenty of TV shows and movies where sexual assault that happens to women is given more coverag. But men are also sexually assaulted and I cannot name another show or movie off the top of my head that explores the kind of topics that Donny went through. Because it wasn’t just about the assault, it was about what comes afterward. And from my perspective he was punishing himself while trying to figure out if maybe he was at fault or if he actually really liked what happened. It’s survivor’s guilt that twists you up into an unrecognizable version of yourself before you realize you were no longer the person you were before and you have to choose who you want to be from here on out.
I will give it to Baby Reindeer that while it was utterly disturbing in so many ways, it honored the fact that the human experience is complicated. I think that’s especially true with Martha. She needs help. Because whatever happened to her that got her to this place, it must have been bad. She no longer has the career that she had before. She lives in squalor and all the lies that come out of her mouth are about a grand life. And while you can look at her and call her a crazy stalker, it’s easier to recognize that she is also in pain. That’s why I think that even though Richard Godd is the lead of the show, it’s Jessica Gunning that really blew me away with her charm, laugh, and cutting anger.
Nava Mau was also an interesting addition to Baby Reindeer. I’m so used to TV relegating women into the supporting role where we don’t learn much about them. From what I saw, I know that her character Teri is a therapist and has sympathy for what Martha is going through. But this struggle that Donny is going through with Martha and his own hidden abuse, it hurts her as well. And I think that the way that Teri expressed herself during tense or quiet moments, said a lot about her. I especially loved that moment where Teri spoke about how she felt like she was taking a step backward on her transgender journey because of what’s happening with Martha. Donnie didn’t intend for Teri to feel like she wasn’t strong enough to live her life openly. But it happened, showing that while we are going through our grief, there are secondary victims that are just as innocent as the person that was initially hurt.
I do think it’s very brave of Richard Gadd to talk about his experiences and the struggle he went through. And I say brave because this is on an international platform. Doesn’t get bigger than that. I could barely get through it myself to a select group of people and the authorities. And there will be people who will judge or not understand your story. But you did it. You got it out there and it’s stories like this that give people the strength to speak up about what’s happened to them. Your performance now resonates even more with me, knowing that this is your story. That’s especially true for the moment that you broke on stage and everything spilled out. That was real pain. And even though I was unprepared for this, and from my reaction it’s clear I’ve still got some things to work on when it comes to my abuse, I’m grateful that I witnessed you speaking your truth. You survived. We both did. Now we thrive.
Baby Reindeer is now available on Netflix.
Good acting but the whole thing just sucked. Who enjoys watching this perverted crap?