95 Thoughts We Had While Watching ‘Grand Hotel’s “Where the Sun Don’t Shine”

We have a lot of fun watching Grand Hotel, and sometimes the best way to show how much fun we’re having is give you access to our unfiltered thoughts, as they happen. So this week, I though I’d take a different approach to this review, and allow you a glimpse into my brain as I watched this week’s episode of our favorite soapy show of the summer, titled “Where the Sun Don’t Shine.”

Starting with ...

1. Oh, yay, spring break!
2. And with that I mean not yay.
3. But I guess for hotels it’s a good thing? And for drama, likely. So fine, I’ll allow it.
4. “You might not be looking to hook up, but somebody is.”
5. NOO JASON
6. WITH FRIENDS LIKE THAT, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES.
7. You need some aloe for that burn, Danny?
8. And of course the roses are for Alicia. Of course. I mean, this is your life, Danny, what did you expect?
9. Yes, Alicia, he was running away.
10. Which is basically what Danny said, with nicer words.
11. I like that he’s not actually trying to hide it all that much.
12. I also like that he broke up with his ex.
13. All that growth is sexy.
14. Plus abs.
15. I still remember the abs.
16. Alicia rubbing it in. I like it. You deserve it, girl.
17. Does Roselyn Sanchez ever look anything other than completely stunning?
18. Don’t answer, because if you say no, I will not believe you.
19. Imma give this one to Oliver, comparisons to Romeo and Juliet are bad.
20. “Maybe it wasn’t about you.”
21. Like, there was a time I didn’t like you, Carolina. That time has passed. You’re now part of the complicated people that I love brigade, which includes everyone but Alicia and Jason, who are just a straight up cinnamon rolls and I love them for other reasons.
22. But yeah, GO CAROLINA.
23. “She’s here, she’s queer and you have to get used to her.”
24. I want that in a shirt.
25. Javi is clearly compensating. He even looks like he’s been crying. Am I the only one with eyes?
26. Ingrid, if it sounds too good to be true, it IS.
27. Not that I blame you.
28. Jean Carlos Canela is hot, but haven’t we previously established El Rey is a rat?
29. Sewer rat.
30. Besides, everyone is hot in this show.
31. Way too hot.
32. It’s like staring into the sun or something.
33. “I missed the part of the play where Romeo stabs Juliet in the back.”
34. It’s a modern take, Alicia!
35. Half strawberry/half pineapple is trashy? Who made these rules? How do you measure trashiness? Do I want to know?
36. Yoli explaining terms to Gigi is my favorite thing ever.
37. I know Yoli’s got reasons to be mad, but it feels like in this instance, she’s been a little too hard on her mom.
38. No one deserves Jason. That is a fact.
39. Like, how is he so good? I thought with how soapy this show was he’d make a play for Ingrid or something, but no, he’s just a respectful man who can be a good friend to a woman in a time of need.
40. That just makes him hotter.
41. How do Mateo’s people handle things? Do I even want to know? I’m pretty sure I don’t.
42. Alicia = Blanquita.
43. That’s actually on point.
44. I LOVE IT.
45. She would be.
46. I love you Freddie, BUT Oliver is not better than Danny.
47. Alicia, stop being so obvious.
48. OMG ARE YOU PLAYING HER OLIVER?
49. You rat bastard.
50. Gigi is giving me feelings. She’s trying so hard, and it’s just …not the way this community is ever portrayed.
51. But this is also real, this is also the latinx community. It reminds me of that shit with Maggie and Supergirl and how disrespectful and badly handled that was, and ….
52. This is what happens when you got the right actors/writers telling THEIR story.
53. It matters.
54. “I’m trying to protect you.”
55. HOW CAN YOU NOT BELIEVE HIM, ALICIA, LOOK AT THAT FACE.
56. No, Alicia, he doesn’t get a vote. We agree on that. But he’s actually being sincere.
57. I just wanna hug Yoli. A long hug. A hug of acceptance.
58. Jason is too good a friend. Likely too good a person, too.
59. Javi’s stupid broken hearted face is breaking me.
60. I want to hug him too.
61. “You know that baby is lucky you’re not his father.”
62. OUCH.
63. Also, untrue. That baby would be lucky as hell.
64. Go Mrs. P!
65. Santiago’s rage face speaks well of him.
66. Finn IS a pig.
67. “It’s not worth it to me, and that’s my choice.”
68. It sucks that this is the choice she feels she has to make, the choice that so many women feel they have to make.
69. “You remind me of your father.”
70. I saw that one coming a mile away, I’m shocked you didn’t, Yoli.
71. This scene with Gigi and Yoli made me legit tear up.
72. Alicia trusted Danny’s gut in the end.
73. And I’m glad she ran.
74. Finn does deserve a punch, or five.
75. This was hard on YOU, Carolina? YOU?
76. The dad’s gonna be trouble, we all know it.
77. BUT WHY THE F*CK DO YOU STILL WANNA GO OUT WITH HER, OLIVER?
78. Like did you ever truly want to?
79. Also, El Rey is a rat. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again.
80. RAT.
81. Wait what? Sky was dealing drugs?
82. The plot really, truly, thickens.
83. My baby Javi. I WANT TO WRAP HIM UP AND PROTECT HIM FROM THE WORLD.
84. WAIT
85. NO
86. DID
87. IT
88. END
89. THERE
90. NO
91. I
92. REFUSE
93. NO
94. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
95. JAVIIIIIIIIIII

Agree? Disagree? Did you enjoy “Where the Sun Don’t Shine”? Share with us in the comments below!

Grand Hotel airs Mondays at 10/9c on ABC.