Secrets always have a way of coming out. You try to keep them in, but they come out.
And for Kat her secrets are rising to the top and there is no way to stop the fall out.
Episode 9 of Spinning Out was hard for me to watch. I couldn’t rewatch Episode 8 and had to have someone else write the review. Why? Episode 8 made me feel manic, and Episode 9 made me wonder if I should feel shame.
Though the stigmas around mental illness are changing, telling someone that you are bipolar is a scary thing. People don’t always understand the disorder and assume that it means you are crazy. This is a disorder that people have no control over having. But people assume the worst and that this means that a person will loose their mind.
My life is marked by the highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows. Kat’s has been the same way. But we quickly learn that her bipolar disorder needs to be kept a secret.
BACK ON THE LITHIUM
We find Kat back at Carols, waking up in a haze. She doesn’t remember how she got there. She doesn’t remember most of everything. She just sees her Mom sitting there, waiting to see if she’s okay. Waiting to see that Kat is going to take care of herself.
My worry – sectionals is coming up. It’s right around the corner. How are Kat and Justin going to skate?
That worry is quickly put to rest when Carol tells her that she told everyone that Kat has pneumonia. Which valid point – who can skate with pneumonia?
Kat has a lot going through her mind right then and there. Who saw what? What did Justin have to say about the entire thing? Had he tried to call?
The truth is – he hadn’t.
And honestly, I am pissed as fuck at him for it but also I get it. Someone being bipolar is a lot to take in. Hearing about anyones mental illness is a lot to take in. But I also think that for Justin he is dealing with having to figure out a lot of emotions.
And he’s also lying for her. Justin loves Kat, he loves her with everything that he is. So much so that when James comes to his suite, he tells James that he threw a party when his girlfriend had pneumonia. He’s willing to protect Kat’s secret.
And to be honest, this whole situation pisses me off because I don’t think anyone should ever have to keep their disorder a secret. There is no shame in having a mental illness, but this whole situation made me feel like there was supposed to be one. In figure skating, your persona is important, I get it. But we need to change that perception.
No one asks to be bipolar.
Carol has to go to work – with Mandy in the hospital she’s taking on a bigger role in the company. Carol has been hoping to prove herself and she’s got the chance to with a big client.
While out at the hotel with the client, she is on a high. She is doing everything that she can to close the deal. But she see’s Kat so she has to take off to take care of her daughter and get her out of there.
I will say this about Carol – she wants to protect her daughters. I get that. But what she wants to do is live her glory days. And what she wants to do is project on them. I honestly feel like this isn’t about her though – it’s about Kat and protecting her. And that says a lot for my feelings about Carol.
YOUR CHANCE TO TELL THE TRUTH
Here’s the thing about secrets. We all have them. We have a lot of them. But one thing that we learn quickly in life is that the truth will always come to light.
Always.
There are a lot of secrets coming out here. And the biggest – well that is Kats bipolar disorder. But when Justin goes to tell Dasha he is leaving. She has known Justin his entire like – he’s like a child to her. She can tell that he is hiding something from her and gives him a chance to tell her what it is.
But Justin doesn’t. Dasha knows though, there is only one thing that he’s going to protect with his entire heart and that’s Kat.
Part of the reason that I love Dasha is that she’s fierce as fuck, but also that she takes no shit. She demands honesty, because that is the thing that she is always willing to give you. The only thing that she will give you. I think that seeing Justin hiding something, propelled by the fact that she’s nervous about trying to communicate with Tatiana, she needs some control over somethings.
And the reality is that Dasha is the type that is going to find that control. I guess I understand it, because that is me.
So Dasha shows up at Kats and gives her the opportunity to tell her the truth. Is she sick? Is there something else going on?
I feel like this – Kat has the perfect chance to come clean to someone that is going to understand. But she doesn’t. She’s living with the ideas that her Mom put in her head – that she needs to keep her disorder a secret. But Dasha isn’t playing around. She fires Kat as her student.
This – as shitty as it is – leads to what is probably the best thing to happen to Kat. She is forced to see that she needs to take control of her shit.
And she starts packing to leave, deciding that she’s going to find Justin and Dasha and tell them that she’s better and that they can skate at sectionals. Carol says she’s going to lock her in the house if necessary, but that’s when we find out the hard truth.
Serena, who is at her breaking point – tells Kat that her Mom is the reason for her fall. She tells her that her Mom forced her coach to tell Kat she needed to lift her hand before her triple and that is what made Kat fall. Carol says she hadn’t taken her meds, and Kat goes off.
I respect this about Kat, she didn’t punch her Mom in the face, because if we’re being honest, that’s exactly what I would have done. My Mom woulda been on the ground for almost killing me. Sorry – I know that sounds shitty and I believe whole heartedly in respecting parents, but I also believe in parents doing what is best for their kids.
I am not surprised that Kat left.
COMING CLEAN
Kat has decided to come clean with those around her. Keeping her secret has done her no good. It has done nothing to help her, it’s hindered her.
So she emails everyone – Dasha, Jen, Justin, Marcus – and tells them the truth and the reasons why she’s kept this secret.
I personally think that this is the strongest thing that Kat has ever done. Being honest about your disorder is scary because you don’t know what people are going to think. There is such a misconception about mental illness that there is such fear that people will think that you are crazy.
But for Kat’s friends, it was the moment that they understood her. It was the moment that they felt that connection return with her and the trust that they needed to feel.
For Kat it was the moment that she felt free.
Dasha took Kat back into her home. Jen was there and had all sorts of questions.
I’d like to think that for Jen and Kat this is a turning point, but I don’t believe it is. I don’t think that Jen understands but I do think for her she has missed Kat so much that this is her way back into her life, without seeming like the bad guy.
I also think that Kat has missed her so much that she’s willing to deal with it and not see that Jen is still resentful. Sorry, I want to love Jen, I do. I feel like she’s so misunderstood and deserves better. But I think Jen is going through so much with her hip that for her, she’s not in a place of healing yet.
WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT PART COME FROM?
Alright, I am probably going to get so much shit for this, but I am going to be honest. I feel like Serena sleeping with the doctor came the fuck out of nowhere. NOWHERE.
I get it – the shock and surprise of the situation is good television. I also get that this shit happens in life and it’s not acceptable. I just feel that this whole time they could have been leading up to more about this and we could have seen more signs.
And yet at the same point I do see that there were signs. I just feel like the doctor was so insignificant that it created such a shock when we found out that he had slept with Serena.
I truly hope that we get more of this story in season 2 and that we see it taken seriously. I hope that the doctor is punished and that we see it. I feel like if we sweep it under the rug and hide it, we are saying that the way that Serena was manipulated was shameful. She is a child and that shame should not be hers to bear.
If the situation is not taken care of in a responsible way in season 2, I am gonna be pissed. He needs to come to justice.
DID YOU MEAN IT?
Remember how we talked about Kat telling everyone the truth? One of the hardest things to do was tell James the truth. And James, went to his son and apologized. He told Justin that he couldn’t be mad at Kat for being sick.
And that is true.
But that’s not the reason that Justin is mad.
Kat has told him that she loved him. But she told him that in a mania. So did she mean it? That’s why Justin is upset. He can deal with her being sick. He can deal with her disorder. But for him – he truly loves her so doubting that she does it absolutely one of the most painful things in the world.
And while we’re talking about strength, Justin showing up at Dasha’s and asking her if he meant it – is one of the strongest things that he has ever done. Justin is growing and him showing his vulnerability is so important to his growth.
I feel for Kat, because she doesn’t know how to trust her feelings. She doesn’t know how to trust that she really loves him – because she’s spent her whole life being told that she can’t trust her instincts.
But the truth is she can.
And it kills me when she can’t find it in herself to trust that feeling. When she tells Justin that she doesn’t know if she meant it – I wanted to reach out to her and tell her she can. She can trust her heart.
And that’s the one thing that I hope Kat truly learns.
OTHER THOUGHTS
- Dasha being so nervous about contacting Tatiana is so cute. She deserves happy though. She deserves a lot of happy.
- Jen and Dasha’s friendship is odd, but I truly think that it’s a good thing. I think it will help both of them learn and grow.
