There is something to be said for that moment in life where you know that everything has changed – that something has changed you and the fear of loosing it forever is scarier than anything you’ve ever felt.
Dash and Lily may only be writing through a notebook, but that notebook has become a way for both of them to feel free and comfortable with who they are. It became a comfort for them in a world where neither one of them fits in and they both feel alone.
But the beauty is, when you get to know someone without the physical and you get to know the mental, when you’ve let down those walls and allowed someone to truly know you – fear of loosing them is worse than anything.
WHERE IS THE NOTEBOOK?
I have to admit that I admire Dash and Lily because they don’t cheat. They don’t show up where they know that the other is going to be and they allow the notebook to do the job.
Dash sending Lily to the party was a lot for her. And it says a lot about him that he didn’t show up to see her. But when he goes looking to pick up the notebook and it’s not there and the guys tell him that she didn’t leave it – the panic in his eyes is kind of heartbreaking.
He’s keeps insisting that she had to have left it. He can’t think of any other option, because to him that is unfathomable. That notebook has become a part of who he is and his relationship with Lily is important.
So he refuses to accept it and goes looking for the notebook. It’s nowhere, but he does find something. When he enters the bathroom, he sees the message she left on the mirror in response to his.
It says, “But I’m scared.”
And to be honest, Lily has never been more relatable than those three words.
Dash looks sad and defeated. The band guys ask if he found book as he paces back and forth. Dash is sad – said it was such a mistake, she was scared, he pushed her to far, and now he doesn’t even have the book.
He’s terrified he’s lost her and leaves.
A CINDERELLA MOMENT
I have to admit, I live in New York and if I saw a shoe in the snow, there is no way in hell I am touching it. Hell, I am touching nothing that is on the ground. But Dash, he knows that Lily wore red boots, because the guys in the band told her.
He sees her red boot in the snow and picks it up. He doesn’t understand why she left it behind, but taking a closer look at it, he notices the boot has “TDF” in it. What the hell is TDF?
Well Dash isn’t ready to let go, so he’s going to figure it out. And the first thing he can think of is to call The Strand. He knows that the guy at the information booth knows who she is. He’s terrified something is wrong with Lily and wants to make sure it is okay.
The person on the phone asks for the guys name that Dash is looking for. I have to laugh at his description, “surly and condescending”. Apparently that didn’t narrow it down for them and Dash says what we’re all thinking – that means they need to look at their hiring process.
But who is there for Dash? Well that would be Boomer. Can we all admit that we all want a friend like Boomer – one that is there for us unconditionally. Boomer is with Dash, trying to figure out what TDF is. He’s got all sorts of guesses, but we all know they are way off.
Boomer downloads app to have ppl help Dash, but he says using internet ruins the game. Boomer is like she didn’t leave the notebook, maybe she wanted to. Boomer is over compensating for the fact that he knows who Lily is. He needs be honest.
But back to TDF.
Theater Development Fund is what they think it stands for and so that’s where they head. These two are great detectives, because it is what TDF stands for. The boot is from The Music Man and was loaned to the school lily went to. The lady at the costume place takes the boot and Dash is trying to convince her to let him get the boot back. He tells her that all that’s been going on with the book.
He’s a boy with a boot, asking her to help her find his Cinderella.
I would have fallen for that line too. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it and wanted to reunite young love. But I wouldn’t have given the receipt up cause I don’t bills to pay.
AUNTIES ARE THE BEST
Dash and Boomer don’t think twice and end up at the address on the receipt. He’s scared to go in, scared to loose her, scared that he won’t have the one thing that makes sense to him anymore.
Dash is trying to convince Boomer to talk to her first. It would be easier that way. Boomer again proves the great friend he is and and agrees to do it. But it’s seconds later when Dash gathers the courage and is like I gotta go, but then is like I have to do this.
And you are rooting him on.
Dash rings bell and it’s not Lily’s place. There is an older lady – eccentric and fun that answers the door. Her name is Lilian and Dash is kinda freaking out. He asks if she’s been writing to someone in a red notebook and she says she understands why he’s there and invites him in.
She comes back with tea and says that she’s not the Lily he’s looking for. She is Lily’s Great Aunt.
He asks to talk to Lily, and she asks if he’s in love with her. He says no that he doesn’t know her. She says no then, that he can’t talk to her. She says it wouldn’t matter anyway, Lily’s grandfather will not let Dash let her see.
You can tell that Dash is hurting and wants to make sure she’s okay. And when he admits it, he admits what he doesn’t want to say – he cares about her.
GROUNDED FOR LIFE
Lily walks in her brother, Langston’s room. He is in bed, looking like death and says he’s sick. Why did he think that sleeping on roof was ok? God only knows. But Lily is needing him – she needs to rectify the situation. She asks brother to take notebook to Pizza place. He’s looking at her like she’s insane, but she really needs him.
Lily tells her brother that she ran into Edgar. She tells him how she ran once she saw Edgar and that’s why she didn’t leave the book. He wants to be there for his sister. But when he reads the notebook, and he sees that she’s going to quit – he’s not having it.
Her brother says no, he doesn’t want her to quit. She thinks its better this way. Lily is scared.
Dash must have made an impression, because Great Aunt Lilian goes to Lily’s apartment. I have never seen Lily so happy in this series as when she sees her aunt. You can tell that her aunt makes her feel at home. Lilian tells her about Dash coming over and Lily is surprised. He’s a great detective. Lily says if he knew what a mess she was, Dash wouldn’t be looking for her. Lilian tells her that he cares.
Seconds later, Grandpa notices that Lilian is there and he kicks all his friends out. He meant for everyone to leave, but Lillian isn’t about to leave. She wants to make sure Lily is okay and Grandpa is not having it. Grandpa says she gave up right to ask about family when she abandoned them. Aunt says that going on tour with Rolling Stones is not abandoning the family. He says she’s a bad influence. Grandpa asks her to leave, Aunt says she’s not leaving and she will have her say.
I have to admit that I think that Lilian is cool as fuck – knowing that she went on tour with the Stones. Cause that’s cool as fuck.
Lily is scared, watching them talk back and forth – Lilian and Grandpa are intense.
Langston opens his door and says at least she got to go to a club. It gives Lily the courage to stand up for herself and walks into the room like a tornado. She knows what she wants and is going for it – until she notices grandpa crying. Lily feels sorry immediately for what she’s said.
As her aunt goes to leave she says if she argues for her limitations they are surely yours. And Lily doesn’t get it – I am not sure if I do either – but it hit.
Lily talking to her Grandfather, she finds out he came home because the lady he went to visit in Florida rejected his proposal. She doesn’t want to come to New York and he doesn’t want to leave his family. But for Lily she just wants him to be happy. I think he needed to hear that. He apologizes to her and wants to take her for ice cream to apologize.
But Lily has better ideas. Ones where she can get her life back on track.
Lily cuts the line at the pizza place and Boomer notices her. She hands him the notebook and tells his he needs to get it to Dash. You can see the relief in Boomer that she’s there and he risks everything by leaving and running out immediately to get Dash the book.
The way that these two write to each other is beautiful.
She apologizes for messing up the game. She admits that she doesn’t do well with bad stuff and ran from the party.
She tells him about the party and how him knowing how she felt – made it ok for her to go back out to the party. Lily wants to open up the world for him. Sends him to a street of decorated houses and tells him to start at the Nutcracker House. Write down what you see, then look again.
He sees an older couple who probably come there every year. They probably have all the pictures of them being there every year. He can either see the surface or he can see the world through different eyes.
Lily has changed him. No matter what he thinks, she’s changed him.
She’d always thought that she didn’t fit in and thought that magic would change that. But what she’s learned in life is that we make our own magic.
And that’s true. We do make our own magic.
Dash is standing at the last house at 5 as directed. She sends him a sign – the word “believe” lights up and there has never been a bigger sign.
She believes in him and hopes that he still believes in her.