In many ways, we are Eve in the series finale of Killing Eve. We are alone in that water, screaming and crying because of the loss we have experienced. Because it is a loss. Don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t. We all invested our time in Killing Eve. Many were there from the very start. Some made communities and friends during the run of this show. And others, like me, were late to the party but said, “F*ck it, I’m down for murder girlfriends.” But we were all there, waiting for the moment that these two would have some semblance of peace.
We don’t have peace. We have anger. And pain. And it’s not the first time we’ve experienced something like this. Many of us lived through the death of Tara on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the slaying of Lexa on The 100. And that pain is still raw, alive, and burning because it feels like Hollywood’s message is that our stories should end in senseless tragedy and that we don’t deserve the happy ending like other couples do. And I’m tired AF and so over this ache inside my soul that we have to experience this all over again.
And this is coming from someone who wasn’t superrrrr invested in Villaneve when it all started. But you sure as hell better believe that I wanted them to be murder girlfriends together, fake their death, and travel the world. Instead, we got Villanelle floating off into nothingness and Eve screaming in pain. So, if I felt that pain, if Eve felt that pain, imagine how shippers who have bonded with Villaneve from the very start…imagine their pain. Imagine their sorrow. Because if I cried my eyes out and felt like I had been destroyed, imagine how utterly shattered they are.
“Oh, but it’s just TV,” you shout. It’s never just TV. We learn about this world, how to navigate it, and how we are to be perceived within its boundaries through the media we consume. So, yes, Hollywood, and the creators within it, have a major responsibility on their shoulders when they take on stories grounded in the journeys of minority groups such as the LGBTQ community. And watching Villanelle die, watching Eve grieve, is the world telling us, “Hey, I know you were hoping for happiness in something that you saw yourself in, but that isn’t in the cards for you.”
This is coming from someone who had a hard time with Killing Eve in the beginning. I couldn’t connect with the characters and found myself thinking that Villaneve was toxic. Villanelle was a murderer after all, one that Eve was obsessed with. Basically, I wasn’t getting that this show is a toxic slice of TV that is meant to be enjoyed through sapphic lenses and the murders don’t matter. It’s the connection between Eve and Villanelle that mattered. And when I realized that, I came to appreciate Killing Eve for what it was: an exploration of what makes us who we are and what makes another person worthy of being loved.
Spoiler: You are worthy of being loved.
And that message became especially important when I looked at Villanelle. She’s always been searching for something to fill that void inside of her, to shut off the voice that told her that she wasn’t enough, that she was a psychopath and that she wasn’t worthy of love. And when she met Eve and started on this mad journey, that sparked something within her. Hope, love, pain, hunger, and so many other things. And she chased after it. She chased after Eve.
Eve was also trying to fill a void in her life. She felt like there was something in her, something more that called out to her from the darkness. And when she met Villanelle, she saw that the darkness was fascinating, beautiful, complex, and a whole wide world of things that she never expected. That sparked something within her too, something that she ran from during the run of Killing Eve and something she willingly accepted at the end, despite the many bumps that we’ve had this season in particular.
So, watching the Killing Eve series finale …well, before the last 5 minutes, I felt a sense of completion. The 12 were dead, Villanelle and Eve were together, and both had just come out on the other end of this journey and realized they could be all the things that they feared and still be loved. They were close to their version of happy, a semi-normal life where they could ride off into the sunset while being cheesy with each other and dancing to good music. Instead, Killing Eve dragged their feet (again), lured us into a false sense of security, and snuffed out any hope of these two having a life they could build together.
And it hurts.
Then, there’s the intimacy of it all; the payout of years of waiting for people who wanted Villaneve to express their love for each other in physical ways.
Now, I’m on the asexual spectrum. I have no shame in admitting that. And even I wanted Eve and Villanelle to have sex. And the fact that they didn’t irks my soul to the very core. Sex is a part of intimacy for many people, and it’s been clear from the very start of this show that there is charged sexual chemistry between Eve and Villanelle. Giving us a kiss matters, but they deserved to explore every bit of each other. They deserved moments where they could trace and memorize each curve and line of each other’s bodies. And that scene in the sleeping bag wasn’t enough.
This is me, even from the position of someone on the asexual spectrum, wanting to see members of my queer community being represented on screen. Because for many of us, we’ve had to endure not feeling seen through the heterosexual lens when it comes to sex. And we deserve to feel represented, especially in intimate moments, normalizing that women-identifying people have sex, enjoy it, and that there is nothing wrong with showing it on TV. Instead, we got a lovely kiss and Villanelle and Eve “possibly” doing it on the side of the road by the camper. And that simply isn’t enough.
While we’re talking about intimacy, let’s discuss the non-confession. That’s it, Killing Eve writers? After all these years. After all these feelings. After all these promises. And just a kiss on the cheek and then an epic makeout session? Again, giving us that moment mattered. But you know what matters as well? Words. Words matter, and we in the queer community deserved to hear them. Why? Because they validate our experiences and make us feel seen. And yes, that counts for the murder girlfriends that are Eve and Villanelle.
Personally, I can’t help but feel lied to, fooled, and bamboozled. Not by Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer. They were perfection from the very start, and I thank them for how they brought these characters to life. I feel lied to by the showrunner Laura Neal. She told TVLine: “I think fans can expect an exciting, thrilling, emotional, satisfying end to these two extraordinary characters’ journeys.” Please, explain it to me. Tell me how this is satisfying. I understand the emotional part of it, and I can’t deny that I was excited by watching Villaneve have those normal moments in the camper, that moment where Villanelle and Eve’s eyes connected while the latter was giving the wedding speech, or that hug of relief on the boat before they were shot at.
But what part of Villanelle being dead and Eve screaming in anguish, alone in the water right by where season 3 ended, was satisfying? And how could anyone think it would be satisfying to us? Because from where I’m standing, I’m in pain. And you, Killing Eve, are the cause of it. I know it’s not one person alone that bears the responsibility for it all, and I know that there are others who wrote this season, approved scripts, and guided this final journey for Killing Eve. But there were some that were steering the ship. And they had a responsibility to not make people feel like they were living Lexa’s or Tara’s death all over again. But here we are.
So, I’m going to ignore the last couple of minutes of the Killing Eve series finale. I’m going to remember the kisses Villaneve shared, the way they looked at each other, the way they touched each other, and the truth in Eve’s words when she looked at Villanelle and everything clicked for her when it comes to the special relationship she had with the one woman that has truly made her feel alive:
“Relationships are a lot of work. They require effort. And you will have tough times. Sometimes, you’ll feel like you’re losing your way, and sometimes, you’ll feel like you’re losing each other. But the beauty in your relationship will be found in the ways you reunite. Have you ever heard of Kintsugi? It’s the Japanese artform of gluing (stay with me here); it’s a way of gluing broken pots back together with gold. It actually strengthens the pot. It’s a way of bonding to create something new, something completely your own.”
That’s what I’m going to remember. Everything else can fuck off.