When it comes down to it, the beauty of The Serpent Queen is both it’s bluntness and it’s IDGAF attitude. So many shows go over the top, trying to make you care about the show, so you will stay with it.
But here, I have to admit, one of the joys of the show isn’t Elizabeth, it’s her maid, Rahima. She’s been an overlooked girl her entire life and now, she’s found a place of power.
And that taste of power has made her a little dangerous. Something that we definitely can get behind. Because we love a strong rise to power.
This episode, is filled with a lot, though TBH, in one respect I felt like it was trying to humanize Catherine. It was trying to make us see that she’s not as evil as we think that she is. She’s done the best with the life that she’s been given.
Now I knew that there was a possibility of time jumps, because there is in everything, but that doesn’t mean that I wanted it. We didn’t. Why? Cause i’ll miss a young Catherine. But alas, we got hit with a 15 year time jump.
And I am left wondering – what happened to Henry? That man did not age well. No offense to the actor, because like it’s nothing against him. But the pornstache and the fact that they picked someone who CAN NOT pass as 30ish, took me out of every scene that he was in.
Do I get that Samantha Morton is beyond 30 years? Yes, I get that she’s in her 40’s. But maybe, just maybe, at this point I am so used to her, that had it been anyone else, I would have revolted.
We’re seeing Queen Catherine as she’s giving birth to her tenth child. Only the child is stillborn and understandably her grief over takes her. Her heart is broken, but her spirit is too. If we’re being honest I think that this is the time that made her bitter, the time that started to change her from the girl that loved Henry, to the woman that despised his actions.
And well, I can’t blame her.
Henry isn’t showing up to comfort his wife, instead, he’s still screwing her cousin and acting like it’s completely normal. Newsflash Henry… not a single thing about what you’re doing is normal. What you’re doing is being a self involved idiot.
What I wasn’t ready for when watching this episode was that things would change so drastically. But they have. It’s not the show that we all became familiar with – not only because we aren’t seeing the young Catherine, but because the tone changed with this episode.
And that’s hard to digest. But I think we’ve all figured out that I am not a fan of the changes that were made so quickly and without warning.
Catherine uses her period of depression to tell us all what is going on with the time jump. The Guises and Bourbons that we knew have left the french court, but younger members of their family have come to take their places. The younger versions of themselves, two Guises (Catholic) and two Bourbons (Protestant), are complete and total hot messes.
We’re punished with having to watch them work against eachother and the two Guises basically steal a mans home. I think that these characters are supposed to bring some sort of comedic relief, but they don’t feel comedic. They feel stupid.
But lets get back to Catherine cause the Guises and the Burbons aren’t worth a lot of time.
She finally gets herself together and leaves her room. She’s got kids that need her and a husband that she needs to remind that she is there. Her fake ass cousin – Diane – acts as though she’s genuinely concerned, when Catherine makes her appearance.
But lets make no mistake, what Diane wants to do is assert her dominance. She acts like these kids are hers and as if Catherine should be grateful that she’s been there for them. Yet, all that does is piss her off. And you know what they say, there is nothing like a woman scorn.
She and Henry talk and I just have to ask who he pissed off. Like it legit looks like someone put a bowl around his head and cut. And don’t make me touch upon his pornstache.
When Henry says that he will come to her room, it’s like great. But he doesn’t show up and that sends Catherine to his room. When she gets there, she finds him with Diane who tries to exert herself into the situation. That being said, if I was Catherine, I would have leaped across the room and smacked her into the next century.
Diane breaks it to Catherine that she can’t have any more kids or she could die. And she says it like she cares, but we all know that she doesn’t. She’s just putting on a front, even when we know that she’s a self serving c u next Tuesday.
But again, you know that they say, there is nothing like a woman scorned. And Catherine, well she’s got the Kings loyalty, so we all know that she’s going to use that to her advantage. She’s navigated the French court for so long she knows just what do do.
She’s going to get rid of Diane.
Everything at French court is a calculated move, be it from Catherine or from the King or anyone. The King calls for a hunt, which hey, would be a thing that they do in that time. But what it sets up is the catalyst for King Francis to collapse and be rushed to his death bed.
His final request to his son is that he puts Catherine on his privy council.
I have to say that I am going to miss the King, cause he’s always been kinda hilarious, kinda cringy, and also making you mad as fuck. But what I love about him is that he respects Catherine and her mind.
The King passes and it feels like it was just an excuse to get all the women that were there for him out of the picture. But Catherine gets some good intel from the Queen – that the Holy Roman Emperor is going to break his treaty with France and he’s going to test Henry.
Catherine knows not to take this intel lightly. She knows that it is something that means something. So she tries to tell these things at the first meeting of the Privy Council, but no one is taking her seriously.
Including her husband.
He sends a single garrison to the border, but we all can figure out that’s not going to end well. We’re smarter than that. Henry, apparently not so much. We’ll blame the bowl cut for this insanity.
He gets up and leaves – because that’s the one thing that Henry is good at – leaving a room. He gives no fucks. He’s become a total dick because of Diane, who has tried to keep him subservient. She’s made him remain a little boy in his head and in most of his actions.
Diane is afraid that him becoming the King and forgetting about her, because of what people will say. So she wants to become younger and is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. But lets all learn a valuable lesson from Diane – besides not being a creepy bi**h – don’t drink gold. (I say as I know I occasionally eat gold on food at parties).
And as if we didn’t learn enough from this episode – on the day of the coronation – Henry learns that he should have listened to Catherine, because what does the Holy Roman Emperor give him as a gift?
The head of his Garrison’s head.
Catherine and Rahima are talking and she says the point of this – never under estimate an enemy. Something that we all could learn from. And as Rahima goes to leave, the Queen receives a letter. She asks Rahima to read it to her, but Rahima says that she can’t read.
A bold faced lie. How do I know?
Cause as soon as she leaves the room and gets back to hers, she picks up a book and starts reading.
I thought we could trust Rahima, but I really don’t think we can. Then again, can anyone at French Court be trusted?
The Serpent Queen airs Sundays on Starz.
