The CW is wrapping up as many shows as possible as it changes its demographics to an older demographic that apparently doesn’t like superheroes and teen dramas. Who knew, right? And with that change comes the end of Riverdale, the home of the wildest show that TV has ever seen come to light. Ever. (I know what I said.)
Riverdale, which began its run in 2017, will premiere its final season on Wednesday, March 29, 2023 at 9/8c. What was once a show about a bunch of high school kids trying to solve a murder in a small town while dealing with crushes, the new kid, and inappropriate relationships, spiraled into one of the craziest shows on TV to the point where this writer has stopped watching but checks in every week to see why Riverdale is trending.
Over the years, Archie has fought a bear, gone to jail, joined the military, had his heart torn out, and gotten superpowers. Betty fell in love with Jughead, then discovered crazy family stuff while investigating murders and shit. Jughead was a writer, had some encounter with a Rat King, and was the narrator for an alternate dimension. Legit, I have no idea what happened to Veronica, which is a problem. (Seriously, why did she always have dad problems and Archie problems?) And Cheryl had powers, burned shit, came out, and then saved Riverdale by going all Scarlet Witch on a comet.
See, crazy. And as we enter into the final season, they’re all apparently stuck in the 1950’s, unaware of where or when they are. Except for Jughead of course. He apparently remembers everything and is going to work on course correcting it all. With showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa saying that season 7 is “totally surprising, and yet completely inevitable” they’re going to pull something crazy like having a multiverse where everyone gets the ship (including Beronica shippers) that they want and the story goes on forever as the actors themselves are free.
Another possible theory is that this has all been a dream or some sort of premonition by Jughead, who the show loves to center as this ultra genius/”I don’t fit in cuz I’m a weirdo” guy. Never mind that it would mean that he’s seen his own girlfriend/ex have sex with Archie aka his best friend or the whole range of other intimate moments other ships have had. Then the show would end with Jughead bringing everyone back to their proper timeline and making sure comets, bears, and superpowers never happen. Or angel stuff, because that’s something too that happens on Riverdale.
I’m also of the mind that this could all be a comic book. Seriously, hear me out. What if Aguirre-Sacasa is the reader or the writer of this comic book? And he’s done it all to pitch it to a network. Sounds insane but there were angels in this series, time travel, and alternate dimensions. Anything can happen. It could even be Aguirre-Sacasa reading this to someone. Hopefully not a kid. Cuz that’s a fucked up story with a lot of sex, murder, and weird cults and stuff. But who knows when it comes to this world? And I’ve got a feeling that it’s going to be, “Go big or go home.”
My final theory is that Riverdale is going to jump forward to the gang having children of their own and those kids going on their own adventures. Ships would be cemented. Others would sink. But it would set up the next generation and possible spin-off where the current cast is free but where Aguirre-Sacasa can continue being a provider of absolutely batshit crazy plotlines that make you wonder if you’re in a fever dream. How would they jump forward to them having kids? Jughead. I can absolutely see him trying to fix everything, send everyone home, and then end up there.
Whatever happens, Riverdale has been an iconic show from the very start. Over the years it has transformed into a different kind of show, not because it was trying to figure out what it was. It’s because they always knew who they were. A show that gave no fucks about logic and threw anything and everything it could at the audience to shock and surprise us. And besides that weird ass shit with the teacher in the first season (fuck that plotline) everything else has been riveting TV that no one can recreate. And if they try, ohhh we are ready for the shit show.
Bring it on.
Random Riverdale theories that I want to see happen:
- Personally, I’d like to see Veronica get a concrete story that doesn’t set her up with anyone from this show. Just set her free to be a boss without Archie dragging her down or her dad coming around to mess stuff up. Maybe a spin-off for Veronica? Hmmm…
- Jughead needs to stop writing. Buddy, it’s not your calling and I’d really like some new options. Definitely not your gang days where you literally skinned a woman’s tattoo off. Maybe cooking?
- Would love to see Betty’s mental health be explored. In the early seasons they did and then what happened? I don’t know and I really hope this show doesn’t make it that all of these seasons have been in Betty’s head and she had some sort of mental break. Not here for it.
- And most importantly, I want the queer people to be happy. Yes, this show might be a shit show, but it means a lot to the LGBTQ community who connect with the hot mess that is Cheryl Blossom. Let her be happy. If that’s with Toni, good for people that ship them. But even if it’s just Cheryl traveling the world and conquering it, I’m here for it. As long as it’s her choice. Or she can join the Avengers. Who knows with this show, especially after she went Scarlet Witch last season.
- *sigh* The world is going to be a darker place now that this show is ending.
Riverdale premieres Wednesday, March 29 at 9/8c.
