Bowser might’ve just released the hottest song of 2023 in The Super Mario Bros. (Sorry Beyonce, Taylor Swift, and all the other baddies.)
Performed by Jack Black, it goes so hard in reiterating that Bowser’s mission is to have a partner by his side. Is he doing it in a completely backward way? Yes. Is this acceptable behavior? No. But you have to give him props for absolutely going all out on that piano in the style of an ’80s love ballad, complete with images in the background of Peach looking forlorn and beautiful. And it really goes to show you that A) animation is cinema and B) that it’s ok to be silly.
In any other studio’s hands, The Super Mario Bros. would’ve been a dark and gritty thriller. Toadstools would’ve been murdered, Peach would’ve been a loner, and Mario and Luigi the buff but emotionally detached heroes of the tale. But in Illumination’s hands, it’s fun, bright, and full of so much nostalgia that you can’t help but love it in spite of Chris Pratt‘s terrible voice dubbing. (I said, what I said.) And “Peaches” is part of that.
If anything, this song deserves an Oscar nomination for “Best Song.” Why? It goes hard. That’s the most important thing. He loves this woman in his own twisted way and he doesn’t know how to express it. So he does it through song aka something so clearly from the heart. It doesn’t matter that the song is simple. It’s heartfelt and every time he says “peaches” you can tell that it’s causing him pain to be away from her. Still toxic because that’s not the way to Peach’s heart. But it’s a banger and made all the better that Black did a live version of the song, which we included below.
And before haters rise from the depths of incel hell, Bowser has always been a “simp” (as you call it) for Peach. Why do you think he keeps kidnapping her? For Mario? Oh please. I knew that he had something for Peach from the very first moment I picked up a Super Mario Bros. game. And there have been actual games, multiple at that, where Bowser has tried to marry Peach. And there’s even an animated adventure from 1986 that has this concept! Even the outfit that Bowser wears, and the bouquet, are straight from the Super Mario Odyssey game.
So, you’re wrong. Bowser just wants to put a ring on it and rule the world together. And again, it’s not healthy. But it’s led to this absolute banger that made every single person I know burst into laughter in the movie theater. It’s a classic. An epic outpouring of love. And I can’t wait for the live performances or until someone does a club remix and then plays it at the club. I would dance to it and you know you would too. (Don’t forget to invite me or send the song my way when you hear it.)
Watch Bowser singing “Peaches” below:
And don’t forget to check the Jack Black version:
The Super Mario Bros. Movie is now available in theaters.
