In some recent “literally, WTF is wrong with y’all” news, Shining Vale has been canceled. Apparently, when we asked “what kind of fucked up ritual do we need to perform to make sure we get many, many more chapters” in our review of the Season 2 finale, someone at Starz thought we were joking. Either that, or they decided to test both us and our pet demons. Because someone — as in, someone with zero idea how much of a gem they had on their hands and probably a negative amount of taste — decided we didn’t deserve more.
But wait! There’s more. (Derogatory.)
Not only will we not get a Shining Vale Season 3, but we’re also…losing the first two seasons. Because the evil entities at the network decided, on top of “fuck them Phelps kids” (and forget about all the storytelling we were hoping to see in the future), they were just going to hop on the industry’s latest unforgivable trend and completely memory hole the series after December 31, 2023. So, guess we should’ve been more clear when we talked about rituals in that aforementioned review. Perhaps something along the lines of, like, “ritual sacrifice of other things welcome. Not here for ritual sacrifice of the show.” That should’ve gone without saying, but…well. Oops?
In the end, maybe this series’ greatest asset was also kind of a curse. It was way too unique for us to be able to explain to potential viewers. And trust us: We tried. “Well, see…horror comedy but an interesting look at the ‘hysterical’ woman trope” didn’t quite fit. That’s at least partially because that would’ve meant leaving out the way-too-relatable depiction of how much being someone who loves to write, frankly, sucks. At one point, we also tried simply saying “ok but hear us out: Courteney Cox and Mira Sorvino walk into a probably-haunted (by Mira Sorvino) bar.” But that meant leaving out the brilliance of Judith Light and Greg Kinnear…and don’t get us started on the talents of Gus Birney and Dylan Gage.
….and here, we pause to be even more pissed off. Birney had a fantastic Season 2. It’s criminal that we won’t get to see what she could’ve done with Gaynor in Shining Vale Season 3. Her performance in the premiere alone brings us back to another thing that doesn’t quite fit the “horror comedy” descriptor for the series but is its own selling point: the intergenerational family horror trauma. And, in fact, the family story had so many places it could have gone, what with Jake (Gage) ever so slowly starting to be a bigger part of things. Not to mention, Pat and Terry just spawned a whole new family member. (Possibly part goat demon — no one knows! — definitely all Phelps.)
Anyway.
If you want to see the most brilliantly insane (complimentary) dance-slash-nightmare sequence we’ve seen in a long, long time, make sure to stream all 16 chapters before it’s too late. And if, along the way, you find yourself falling in love with all the horror tropes, we get you. Or if you can’t stop laughing, crying, and even seeing all the best and worst parts of yourself in some utterly bizarre combination of the women on this show, just know you’re not alone. Eh. Maybe we should’ve led with that all along.
Let’s just say this. Even without the exact circumstances, we understand what it is to be a Pat or a Gaynor — to have a Joan or a Pat — far more than we’d like. Instead of keeping us down in the dumps about it, though, Shining Vale offered us some smile therapy. And, uh…did we mention the part about opening up a blank document and attempting to write absolutely sucking? Because we’d kill for a Rosemary to help us out pretty much every time we sit down to make with the inadequate words. Or maybe, we just need a solo dance party with a phantom Walkman every now and then. Basically, without getting too heavy, we’ll just say this one will be sorely missed. And/or, more simply put: We are Phelps.
Unlike our constant back-and-forth over whether or not supernatural forces were actually at play, we’re pretty certain of one thing. You can’t blame hormones, possession, or hidden messages in the literature you read if folks suddenly stop subscribing to Starz. Nope. This one’s easy: You put Shining Vale Season 3 on the sacrificial altar; now, it’s time to pay the price.
Pissed to hear that Shining Vale was canceled? (Same.) Leave us a comment — we’ll WTF together.
