Being Harry Potter is hard, and it gets harder with each passing moment. And yet, in a way, it also gets easier. Like life. We live and learn, and sometimes just live without learning. The point is, we live. Things happen.
And though more things happen to Harry than anyone in their right mind would ever wish for, that doesn’t mean we can’t learn some lessons from the books – even if Harry has a hard time getting them through his thick head.
Maybe, at some point, we’ll need all this magical knowledge. Our Hogwarts letter could just be late, right? Right?
So, here’s five lessons we learned from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:
Lesson #1: When in doubt, blame the Slytherins
It’s not like anyone will believe you if you blame the Hufflepuffs. Be smart! Blame the House of Voldemort and many Death Eaters. And, hey, when you’re investigating something and you’re wondering who the culprit is …well, chances are the Ravenclaws would know better, the Hufflepuffs are way too nice to do it and the Gryffindors are just too busy doing stupidly brave shit.
Blame Slytherin. Always.
Lesson #2: It’s always Voldemort. Even when it seems like it couldn’t be him
In every book. I swear. Even when you’re like, well, he’s gone, dead, not even in the school this time, there’s no way this could lead back to him, etc. You’re wrong. It’s always Voldemort, one way or another. His magic power is caring much more about the going on’s at Hogwarts than he cares about purity of the blood or whatever. He just really wanted that Defense Against the Dark Arts post.
He’s still bitter.
Lesson #3: Big brothers are a pain in the ass, but they’re right some of the time
I mean, sure, they totally sell you out to your crush, do nothing to warn you when said crush is going to show up at your house, generally avoid you and pretend like you don’t exist unless you’ve been literally taken into the Chamber of Secrets by a monster, but they’re not all that bad. I mean, some of the time, they make good points.
It’s just hard to know when they’re actually going to be helpful and when they’re just being pricks. But hey, take comfort. At some point they might, possibly, perhaps be useful.
Lesson #4: Hogwarts teachers don’t really care about your safety, they only care about you passing your exams. (Case in point: Ron’s wand)
They really don’t. I mean, as long as you’ve got most of your limbs and can talk without slurring, you’re fine. They’ve important, busy people. They got other things to worry about than every-day magical concerns. They’ve got the fate of the magical world in their hands! Or, like, they have to grade essays, I don’t know. Either way, they don’t’ really care as long as they don’t have to send pieces of you to their family.
And even then, if those pieces can talk and/or function, they’d probably be fine with. More of you to love and all that.
Lesson #5: Clothes are magic
They can make you feel taller and stronger, prettier and more confident. They can mean family. (Like when you get a hand-knitted sweater from Mrs. Weasley every year, even though she barely knows you). They can make you feel like the bouncer at a disco (paging Crabbe and Goyle, come in). They can even set you free. (But, hey, no smelly socks for us, Harry!)
But, and here’s the most important lesson of all – if you’re redhead, no matter how much you love a team, no matter who much pride you have, they should never, ever be bright orange.
No, Ron. NO.
Bonus lesson: Friends are an awesome thing.
An unexpectedly brilliant, life-changing thing. You don’t know how much of a difference they can make, how much they can brighten up your life, until you find them. And when you do, when you find the right people? You never, ever let them go.
That’s what friendship is all about.