Really, Really Late Designated Survivor Review: ‘Party Lines’

 

Sometimes all it takes a bottle of wine to get me motivated to write. Life has been insane and I am way behind on reviews. But in all fairness, life gets that way. Yet I am not uncovering things like they are on Designated Survivor. So I should be more adult, but hey – it is what it is.

So let’s break down last weeks Designated Survivor. Fair warning, I may be a little drunk from writing my The White Princess review. Might as well knock this all out with wine.

The episode was entitled, “Party Lines.” Here’s the synopsis –

President Kirkman forms an unlikely alliance in the hopes of passing his first bill while Agent Ritter is briefed by FBI Agent Hannah Wells about a new alarming threat to the nation.

Lets get to the nitty gritty…

NO ONE PUTS THE PRESIDENT IN A CORNER

So we all remember last week when Senator Bowman decided to play a round of my gun is bigger than yours (and by guns, I mean dick) game. I have never understood why men need to play this game? Like there is room for all shapes and sizes in this world. But whatever, lets play the pissing game.




The President knows that the Republicans are in control in the house and he’s gonna have to flip some in order to pass the bill. We all know that (at least in todays world) Republicans don’t seem to do anything that isn’t self centered. Sorry, I am still bitter that a cheeto is running this country right now.

But I digress.

See, Senator Bowman brought 81-80 to the floor to embarrass the President. Obviously this dude has never seen Dirty Dancing, because we would all know that you don’t back the good girl/boy into a corner. All this means is that the President and his team are gonna do what they need to do.

And so they do. Emily, Secretary of State Moss, and the President set out to turn everyone to their side. Of course some people are afraid of the political fallout (because apparently everyone doesn’t have the balls to do what is right) and are refusing to do the right thing.

Idiots.

HOOKSTRATEN CAME TO PLAY

So, Hookstraten has Senator Bowman come over to the office. She’s been on the hill for awhile and she’s doing him a solid and spreading her knowledge. Apparently the man is in need of some prozac and an enema, cause he’s so uptight and moody that you would think that he’s been clogged up for years. He tells her that everything has changed and she needs to get on board.

Oh, Bowman… you need to realize when you play with the big girls, they’ll tear your ass apart.

Hookstraten knows how to play, unlike Bowman. She makes a deal with the President, she’ll support him publicly and let the world know that she’s going to help the bill when it hits the house. The President knows that he isn’t in the position to offer any favors, but in the future he’ll be very grateful. He’s not talking sexually explicit stuff here – he’s a good, faithful man.

Hookstraten goes right out to the cameras to let them know that she’s supporting the President and when the bill makes it to the house, she will help them pass an amendment to the bill to fix the wording.

Don’t fuck with old politics.

MRS. KIRKMAN TO THE RESCUE

Mrs. Kirkman listened to victims of gun violence and was moved to try to help. She went to talk to the Senator from Massachusetts. They were “sisters in arms”, ready to take on everything for gun law reform. I applaud them.

Mrs. Kirkman was leaving and ran into Bowman. Again, he was trying to prove that he’s someone, but we all know he’s like no one. He comments that he didn’t know the First Lady was working the hill. She shoots his ass down and basically tells all the Senators that she hopes the right thing is done.

Preach.

So we get to a vote and OMG – 81-80 passes. One of the Senators who was with Bowman votes in favor of the bill and everyone is shocked. Girl had a mind of her own, what can she say. When she is later invited to the White House, she tells Mrs. Kirkman that her standing up for herself, reminded her that she could stand up for herself to.

Can’t wait to see where this administration goes.

THERE’S A REASON NO ONE GOES TO NORTH DAKOTA

So Hannah’s trying to figure out was going on and she heads to North Dakota with Jason to figure out what is going on. In a bunker that used to house a missile, they find like a shit ton of bombs. Don’t ask me what a shit ton is, cause I don’t know. I am assuming it’s what happens when you have to much fiber

Oh hell, the joke game is weak. Sorry, this is serious.

AARON’S HAIR GEL GAME IS STILL TOO STRONG

Let’s break it down. Aaron is a sexy mutha. But like here’s the thing – whomever is doing is hair – needs to lay off the product.  A girl wants to know that she can run her fingers through her mans hair, because like let’s face it – chances are his ass is gonna go bald. We need to be able to grab onto that while we can. So don’t spray that shit down like it’s the flatlands. Let the curls fly free.

Let us have our dreams about his hotness. We’re all out here just trying to make it through.

Give a girl something. Mercury’s in retrograde and life is a bitch. We need something.

Designated Survivor airs Wednesday on ABC.

PERSON WE TRUST THE MOST: Seth

PERSON WE TRUST THE LEAST: Sorry Emily. It’s you.



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