96 Thoughts We Had While Watching ‘Grand Hotel’s “Suite Little Lies”

We have a lot of fun watching Grand Hotel, and sometimes the best way to show how much fun we’re having is give you access to our unfiltered thoughts, as they happen. So this week, I though I’d take a different approach to this review, and allow you a glimpse into my brain as I watched this week’s episode of our favorite soapy show of the summer, titled “Suite Little Lies.”

Starting with …

1. Oh, Mateo. You miscalculated, Mateo. Badly.
2. And you, of all people, should have known better.
3. I would have never guessed how much I’d enjoy seeing Katey Sagal play a campy villain.
4. Like, I should have, cause like, Married With Children, but I didn’t.
5. Shame on me.
6. Even Mateo is sympathetic now. What madness is this?
7. Danny and Alicia are too cute.
8. SOMETHING IS GONNA GO WRONG.
9. Because this is TV and all that.
10. Ironic, now Gigi is the one keeping secrets.
11. Why is there a secret room? That makes no sense.
12. Does this have to do with Beatriz Mendoza?
13. Danny being clear with Heather is sexy.
14. Now TELL ALICIA the truth.
15. Also, just tell Heather you’re in love with someone else.
16. You cute, Danny, but you still have some ways to go in the telling thruths business.
17. Javiiiiiiiiiiiii.
18. Gigi, why are you falling for this?
19. Are you falling for this?
20. This all seems …too simple.
21. He isn’t a good guy, I SCREAM at the TV.
22. Well, that secret didn’t last long.
23. And now the Suite Little Lies makes sense. HA.
24. Mateo’s face in the background HAHAHAHA.
25. Look, I know Gigi and Santiago aren’t exactly angels, but seeing them fighting is like when you watched your parents fighting.
26. Please stop.
27. Don’t bond with Heather,  Alicia.
28. Let her go, Alicia.
29. LISTEN TO ME, ALICIA.
30. Of course she didn’t.
31. If I yell something, this show is doing the opposite. It’s a rule.
32. THAT PICTURE OF MATEO OMG.
33. Stop looking sympathetic, Mateo.
34. And honestly, Ingrid, stop looking for validation in others.
35. Especially men.
36. Time to be Ingrid for a bit.
37. Javi and Jason might be the pair I didn’t know I needed.
38. WTF is wrong with Carolina and Yoli?
39. Like, do they think?
40. Danny, come on dudeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
41. Fess up.
42. FESS UP.
43. “Relationships are built on trust, Danny, and right now, I can’t trust you.”
44. I mean, she IS right.
45. Ugh, can Felix just disappear.
46. Someone disappear him.
47. I’ve hated you since Heroes.
48. I repeat, Javi and Jason are giving me life.
49. You know what Javi needs, above all things? Friends.
50. Just like Ingrid needs to be alone with herself for a while.
51. “Dude, you are my hobby.”
52. Jason, you and I need to have a talk about how you’re just too fucking nice and that’s good and all, but like, honestly, limits.
53. The view is SO FAKE.
54. SO FAKE
55. Did all the budget go towards clothes or what?
56. Look, I’mma be honest …I’d hand Felix over in a heartbeat.
57. You owed Heather at least this conversation, Danny. You did.
58. She makes a good point, you gotta tell Alicia. YESTERDAY.
59. Jason, you think everyone is nice.
60. What is Marissa hiding?
61. “You’re too available.”
62. LOL
63. Point.
64. “You love butting in.”
65. Well, that is true, Mrs. P.
66. Felix is an asshole.
67. Well, he deserved that one.
68. Awww.
69. Heather did the right thing.
70. No catty women here!
71. Javi and Ingrid are so awkward and I hate it and I love it and I still want them together but they need time to grow, away from each other.
72. Good that you figured out sincere does work, Jason.
73. Fuck Felix, once again.
74. Fuck him.
75. Oh, so that’s the secret Marissa is keeping.
76. God, now I’m scared this is gonna come into play.
77. Yes, Danny, the mob. THE MOB.
78. Awww, he also thinks Sky is dead.
79. And we all think that, because that’s what makes sense, but it’s so sad that he does.
80. I agree with Mrs. P, Ingrid. Better life choices.
81. Oh, Jason.
82. And Ingrid saw.
83. I hope you really don’t care.
84. Gig, what the actual fuck.
85. I hope you’re tricking him or something. Because I really can’t believe you bought his whole act.
86. Yes, Danny.
87. Tell her.
88. TELL HER.
89. No, don’t take that out.
90. SAY IT.
91. Oh, here it goes.
92. And look at those heart eyes.
93. Wait, she said what?
94. Really, Alicia?
95. NOW that he’s being honest you’re gonna fire him?
96. Now?

Agree? Disagree? What did you think of “Suite Little Lies”? Share with us in the comments below!

Grand Hotel airs Mondays at 10/9c on ABC.