‘Law & Order: SVU’ 25×06 Review: “Carousel”

The best thing we can say about Law & Order: SVU 25×06 “Carousel” is that it’s over. The worst thing we can say is, well…Honestly? We don’t know where to start, so we’ll just start at the beginning — which is very bad. And no, it never really gets better, despite this being the first chance for us to see Captain Benson’s latest attempt at a squad working together.

“I feel almost human again” is a thing Maura Ramos says, extremely early on in that absolute cringe-fest of a cold open, but there’s not a lot about the episode that feels like it was written by people who know how humans speak and interact. Because no, women don’t let their drunk friends — or even acquaintances, which is the case in this episode — go off alone with dudes . Especially not two random dudes they don’t know. And no, we don’t refer to people by the country they’re from…not unless we’re, you know, kinda bigoted.

Which, while we’re at it: The nerdy, quiet, “traditional” Asian girl who doesn’t make eye contact and totally gives “subservient” was a choice. Same goes for the absolutely awkward and “har, har. Check out this guy telling us what we can’t call people” moment with the guy at the hostel telling Bruno and Velasco “you’re not allowed to say that anymore” after they use the G-word slur for Roma. Which, of course, the rest of the episode proudly ignores in a way that feels like putting that line in there was a choice to show us how much someone, somewhere, wanted to shove it in our faces that they’ll say what they want. And, considering previous episodes — including from this season alone… — we’re finding it kinda hard to extend benefit of the doubt.

Then, there’s the issue of just…completely and totally erasing canon? In this economy fandom? “Actually, it was…something that just…fell into my lap.” Girl, what?! No, really. Does Olivia Benson have some kind of problem with memory loss? Sure. Liv’s opportunity to adopt Noah absolutely came as a surprise. (Especially when, on more than one occasion, she’d had similar opportunities ripped away from her.) But that’s not what the question was — at all.

She was asked if she always knew she wanted kids. Therefore, the appropriate answer would be something like, “yes, I always wanted a family because I didn’t really have one growing up.” Or, even, “maybe not always but definitely well before my Strong Female Character™ reward for surviving unspeakable horrors son came along” could work. Because, in existing canon with very well-known and well-loved moments, that’s the answer. It is, and always will be, yes. Remember “they didn’t see me as prime parent material”? Clearly not. What about the entire, gut-wrenching, Calvin situation? Obviously, the answer is, again, “brain worms have entered the chat.”

We could continue, but we don’t feel like wasting the effort.

More “???” from Law & Order: SVU 25×06

• As it turns out, we should not have been relieved about ending the Maddie case. Bring the weird bracelet obsession back!
• “Forgive my friend. He only speaks in foreign cliches.” This is really something you put on TV in 2024, huh?
• “Suck it up, you nothing bagel!” Sure, this is terrible and all, but the rest is just as bad if not worse. So, good job being consistent!
• “IAB queen made muffins.” “Moneybags is already on his second.” On the plus side, we know Curry and Bruno are bonding without them having some faux psych conversation to explain it. That’s something, at least.
• “Are you a Fed or a…splinter?” 25 seasons, that kind of talent, and this is a line you make her force out of her mouth. Why not?
• “There’d better be a muffin left when I get back!” Please, for the love of God, let this woman have her muffin.
• Why is the camera so…much?
• “Because I felt invisible — it was like they were obsessed with her.” And yet, you left her alone with them. Again, there’s no way these people know the social habits of the womenfolks.
• That absolute frustration. Same, Captain. Absolutely, without a doubt, same.
• 20 minutes in, and we don’t even have a “Mariska Hargitay did that” moment. An accomplishment. Granted, not a good one…but an accomplishment, nonetheless.
• “I’m a scholarship baby. Trust me, bro, I’m not buying anyone a lot of drinks.” Pro-tip: Nobody has ever called themselves this. Trust me, bro.
• Finally, something to praise: The leather jacket, the hair, and the compass work very well together.
• Besides the fact that it’s over and Liv’s look, the best part might be all the women tossing the ball back and forth while they theorize. Also, Curry’s arms? Hello. Then again, if this — coupled with the canon-denying ending — is what we call crafting a story to be like “woman, yasss”…then, well, yikes.
• LOL. Liv with the interception.
• “Shannah. Nice colluding with you.” First of all, I hear “colluding,” I usually think something like, “Ahhh, yes. Sean Cahill and Harvey Specter absolutely “didn’t” do that. However, in this case, I also think “what in the bad dialogue.” Then, we can add in a “why is she getting a ‘moment’ like this with Sykes but not Curry? Optics: Off.”
• “I mean, look around.” This is nasty. Why are men?
• So is this “poindexter” line. Clearly, we have a problem with intelligent people.
• “We checked your credit cards, dumbass.” Admittedly, I laughed.
• The “Bad Cop” from Bruno is too, too much.
• “You afraid of women?” “Yeah. What they could do to me. One wrong turn, one bad night.” Obviously, this continues to be a galaxy brain concept, but…don’t do the “bad night” or “wrong turn,” and you’ll be fine. Literally, just treat women like people with rights.
• “…crawled into my life…”
• Seriously, no, us geeks and nerds aren’t so fascinated by doing a science, we don’t care about this disgusting sex game/rape game/whatever.
• “You might want to start spending less time with machines and more with people.” Yes, yes. Because it’s the spending time doing the science that makes him this way. Har har.
• Ugh, fine. Here’s a positive: Hargitay and Pisano have good rhythm in that one scene.
• “Children can…break our hearts.” Whatever you do, don’t think about Calvin. Especially since the next part proves nobody else did.
• “Actually, with this job, I think it had a plan for me.” Was it perpetual trauma and loneliness to prove how Strong™ you are, or…?
• Also, that was so out of place??? You can’t just end it on “touching” after…whatever that just was????
• At the risk of this sentiment coming back to biting us in the WTF again: Thankfully, that’s over.

Thoughts on Law & Order: SVU 25×06? If so, leave us a comment!

Law & Order: SVU airs Thursdays at 9/8c on NBC. We’ll be back on March 14.