Christmas is always one of the worst day of the year in my humble opinion. Some shit always happens. Something always gets ruined.
It’s just a fact of life.
But for Lily, Christmas has always been the best time of the year. She’s always had family, presents, and plenty of fare. But this year she wakes up – its Christmas. She wakes up every year to find everyone in matching PJ’s but this year there is nothing. But there is nothing under the tree. The notebook isn’t there. She’s disappointed.
LIES OF COOKIE BAKING
Lily is going to make the best of the day, because she has the notebook to look forward to. She’s not sure of what to do though, because she isn’t about to tell her Grandfather the truth, so she lies and says she’s going to her aunts to bake.
Girl legit has to get better with her lying.
She’s looking for notebook, but Dash hasn’t been there. Aunt hasn’t seen their friend since he brought the boot and that’s when she spies the other boot by the door. The one that Lily wore over.
She tells aunt that she told him she wants to meet and she figures if she’s wearing the boot, he’ll know who it is. Aunt asks if she’s considered what she’ll do if the person that she meets isn’t the one in her head.
Everyone asking this question of her – I applaud. It’s so important that she start facing the fact that what is in her head may not be the reality. But I also understand why she would be hesitant to hear it. It’
Lily responds aunt has met him and she likes him. Lilian admits she was charmed, but Lily will have to find out of that is for her, herself.
I think that’s part of what scares Lily. The walls that she’s put up around herself have been what have kept her safe and secure.
Dash promised to bring the notebook there. What if he forgot? What if she said wrong thing? Why didn’t he bring it?
It’s all that she can think about, but a small reprieve comes when her caroling group texts to ask her to meet them at McSorelys. Lily is torn about leaving, and asks her Aunt what if the notebook comes.
Lilian says she’ll Dash it right over, no pun intended. Lily asks what pun – and aunt realizes what she said and says she told her to have fun.
Oh Auntie… you’re supposed to be able to keep a secret.
Lily is talking to herself while walking to McSorley’s, asking why Dash would be a pun. She remembers that notebook boy once told her that his name was a connector of words. His name is Dash. She realizes that she met him at the party.
Putting together those pieces! Though I have to say part of me doesn’t want her to. Because she doesn’t understand what she’s setting herself up for and well… first loves are NEVER easy.
HE HAS A WHAT….
Lily may be shy, but girl knows how to get what she wants. And she’s got a million questions and the only person who seems to be able to answer those is Boomer. So she calls his work, gets Boomers number and calls him.
She is really slick at getting information out of him – and she is able to confirm that notebook boy is Dash. Now, Boomer is surprised Dash told her his name, but he quickly realizes Dash hadn’t. Lily asks if his friend was at Priyas party. Boomer says he can’t tell her that. But she says if it was him, then his friends left the party with his ex. Lily wants to be wrong but she’s not wrong.
Now a teenage girl filled with heartbreak is never a good thing. It’s a painful thing. And when you’re going to a bar – well, lets just say thank God for small favors.
She goes to McSorleys and tells her friends that notebook boy has a girlfriend and he’s been keeping it from her. Lily may not know all of the information, but she’s definitely going on what she knows.
And she doesn’t know alcohol – we learn that quick. One friend gives her a drink, but she doesn’t like it. So like a woman in charge, Lily keeps going around the table and drinking drink after drink. Lily trying everyones drink – likes Peppermint Schnapps. Out of all the drinks that she coulda liked, she chooses that one? Lily, girl, we need to reform your palette.
She’s drunk and telling everyone about Dash leaving with other person at the party. She is devastated and does the one thing she shouldn’t do. She drunk texts and not even a good person to text. She texts Edgar and tells him she wanted him to kiss her and where she is.
She sees Edgar come in and imagines that its Dash. Drunk goggles are so much fun. That’s sarcasm. Like I remember my first kiss with drunk goggles. I about sucked his face into mine. Bad times.
She wants to know why he didn’t kiss her. He didn’t kiss her cause to be her first kiss is pressure. Lord Edgar, take the kiss and wins where you can get them. You’re a douche.
Dash runs in and sees her kissing Edgar. He’s got boot in one hand notebook in other.
LET’S REWIND FOR A SECOND
We go back to the night before and Dash can’t be with Sofia cause he’s thinking about Lily. He doesn’t wanna be with Sofia and he doesn’t think that she wants to be with him. She admits it and says that Dash was always comfortable. They are finally done.
They cuddle on the couch – one final goodbye. Not meaning to, they spend the night at The Morgan.
Christmas morning Dash wakes up frantic and so foes Sofia. Her parents are looking for her and as they go to leave, Sofia gives him advice. She says if he wants advice as a friend, Lily deserves more than that notebook for Christmas. Dash doesn’t know where to find her.
Sofia says something that is so true, but so not for anyone that doesn’t understand New York. She says the city is not that big.
New York is quite large, but the city isn’t. There are lots of people – sure. But the city is a playground, one that isn’t overwhelming and huge if you live there. And Dash does. He’s just gotta be open to the possibilities.
So now back to this day… how did Dash find Lily? The Manhattan Mommies app. Boomer was smart downloading it. Someone saw the boot, took a picture someone wearing the boot on one foot, chucks on the other.
Dash feels hope and he runs out to find her. And the signs are all there that he is going to have a good dat are there. He sees a Collation poster and stops in the theater and gets tickets. Dash is optimistic, even as the man behind him is yelling at him
Dash runs to McSorleys and sees her, locked in an embrace with Edgar. Drunk Lily sees him, but she’s not sure that he can trust her drunk eyes. He knows that she’s the girl from the party and part of him is devastated and part relieved. Dash knows she’s been drinking, he’s super upset, and when Edgar says he’ll get her home – he says no. Dash cares enough to take her.
ANGER IN THE HEART
You remember how I had previously said I didn’t get why these two weren’t honest with each other? It’s so important and they are taking every single moment for granted, because of their fear.
I have always thought that the book was genius, when used right. Because when you use it right, you have the opportunity for greatness and memories that will last a lifetime and change their lives.
But because of their lack of being open – they both cause themselves a world of pain that didn’t have to happen.
Dash is so mad that she’s with Edgar and wants to know what she sees in him. She says that he’s easy to be with and fun. Dash takes that as she means that he’s not depressing like him. And my friends, that is what we call projection. Dash was afraid to be honest with her because that’s what he feels about himself.
Lily is taking this opening and she’s gonna give it back to him just as hard. She is like i don’t know you – but she’s mad that he spent the night with Sofia. Lily remarks that she knows that she can’t measure up to Sofia and she knows he was with Sofia because he’s wearing the same clothes from the party.
He tells her that Sofia and him haven’t been together for a year and the only thing that happened the night before was that they affirmed they weren’t meant to be together. That boom didn’t last too long. You look at them and both and you know – these two are in love, and that’s what is hurting them both.
Lily has a moment of vulnerability and she lets him know that she is not with Edgar either. It was just a kiss that meant nothing. He says she kisses a lot of meaningless guys then.
What an asshole move Dash!
She quickly claps back and tells him it was her first kiss and she had wanted it to be with him but he wasn’t there. The notebook wasn’t there. There is pain in her voice that causes a pain in her heart and it causes pain in my soul.
And then when he tells her he was sorry he was late, but did she have that little of faith in him? LORD KILL ME, the pain these two are feeling isn’t okay.
But when she causes him as much pain as she can, I stop liking her. She admits that she met Boomer and that he said that Dash would be nicer. Someone tell me why she had to hurt him and Boomer like that.
Dash starts to write in notebook and you know this isn’t going to end right. Dash is used to people giving up on him and giving up on people. But when he has a chance to turn his life around, to allow people in – he will run.
THE GAME IS OVER
When he drops her off with her Aunt, you can see that he’s in pain. The way that he looks, her Aunt know that it is over for them, and tries to get Dash to not give up on her. Dash says ti’ll never be as easy as it was in the notebook.
But that’s the thing, life isn’t easy. Dash has had a hard life and that notebook was the easiest thing he’s ever done, until it became real.
Aunt says you don’t want to give up, just when game has gotten interesting. He says he doesn’t want to play game anymore.
Queue my tears.
Lily’s Aunt has always been a place to escape, but she knows that the best place for her to go is home. She has to face the things she wants to escape and so she does what she needs to – she calls Lily’s Grandpa.
Sometimes the hardest words to hear are that someome you love can’t save you from this one.
Grandpa can smell alcohol and the look of shame that he has on his face for Lily scares me. I want her to be ok. But she’s determined to make things worse for herself and tells him that he should try peppermint schnapps might help him relax some more.
Grandpa is like pissed and looks at his sister, and asks if she let her drink? Aunt says of course not – she went out. He’s pissed and treats his sister badly, but I am not sure if it is just because he doesn’t know how to related to his sister or he’s pissed at Lily.
Probably a little bit of both.
Grandpa takes Lily home and she was about to get everything that she wished for. See, everyone is there to give her the Christmas that she wanted.
But Lily, well… she pukes in a boot.
Meanwhile, we’re feeling the ramifications of everyones dishonesty. Dash goes to Boomers and gives him box, it being Christmas and all. But he takes it as a moment to also tell Boomer just how pissed her is. He’s mad that Boomer didn’t tell him that he met Lily. Boomer tells him that he was looking out for him. Dash says she was looking out for himself.
Man people are pissed over this entire thing that could have been prevented with honesty.
Lily is drunk and laying in her room. Her Mom and Dad come in room, to tell her why they are back and they tell her that Langston put everything together – it was his idea.
Lily’s entire world is being pulled out from underneath her. The break the news to her and tell her that her Dad did get the job in Fiji and they have to move in a week. she screams in a pillow. She doesn’t[t want to move. They belong in Manhattan.
In my opinion everyone belongs in Manhattan for at least a year of their life. It will change you.
But back to Lily and moving.
Next week is too soon, but regardless of what she wants, the parents say it’s happening. With or without support she is moving. However, they want to have her support.
They give her pajamas and ask her to come join party. Though, I have never met a parental ask that isn’t really a demand. It’s Christmas, but the next day she’ll have explaining to do.
Lily knows that she’s going to have to explain a lot. But that’s gonna be hard, because she can’t explain the past week to herself.
She sees the notebook and reads Dash’s entry. he says that they set themselves up for disappointment – that the fantasy will never been as good as it was in their head. but thing about playing a game is someone has to lose. He is writing to say game over.
He doesn’t want to see her. He wants them to move on. He says goodbye.
I AM BROKEN.