I walked into Last Christmas expecting that I was going to be able to feel happiness, cause Christmas movie – and love – because Romantic Comedy! I looked forward to this movie since it was announced, and since we were all told that Emilia Clarke and Henry Golding would be starring in it.
What could be better?
Well, a lot. Like everything. I’d rather have a root canal. I’d rather call and ex and tell them that they actually were good in bed. I’d rather forgive the shitty friends I have discovered I have this year.
Like, it’s easier to say what works. And that’s not much.
Ummm, that’s just that fact that Henry Golding is in it, and it’s quarantine, so my hormones are in overdrive, and I need some good eye candy to look at. And he’s so fucking hot that he can make me forget the pain of anything.
Well except an ingrown toenail, cause that shit is just powerful pain.
But back to the movie that was a tragedy and should have just remained a Christmas song. Like, the complete disrespect is appalling.
The premise: Katarina (played by Clarke) has all sorts of issues. She’s living life hard and making no apologies for it. She’s going nowhere quickly and she’s got a total disregard for life. Her family drives her insane, she’s working a dead end job, completely selfish, making all sorts of mistakes, and she’s in need of some serious help that she won’t get. Queue handsome stranger that is a little weird, likes to look up, and reminds her about living her life. He changes her life for the better because of their interactions.
She moves home. She helps her parents. She volunteers at a homeless shelter and puts together a fundraiser. She starts doing good at her job.
Only Tom (the handsome stranger) isn’t always there. He comes and goes, and shows up at the weirdest times. But for Katarina, he’s always there when she truly needs him.
She is a hot mess and needs to get her shit straight.
Now let’s take a side track really quick – the fact that we’re all sitting here watching a movie that basically comes across as you can only get your shit together if you fall in love and are motivated by the companionship of others.
Hard no. But back to the movie –
When she does, when she sees that life with Tom is changing her, she heads out to find him – only to find out that Tom passed away. Not recently, but a year ago. The same day that Kate almost died.
The same day that she finally realizes that Tom is worth fighting for and goes to his flat, she finds out that this entire time, he’s been a ghost. See, when he died, she got his heart in a transplant.
The premise is heartwarming. It has potential, and could have been the most amazing Christmas romantic comedy. But it fell hard and flat.
And that physically pains me to say. Like it hurts.
I love a good rom-com, but if it’s not a good rom-com, I feel a disrespect. Like really, it’s fucking with my spirit.
And not to mention the trailer showed every damn thing that happens and totally gives it all away.
It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t romantic. And it definitely felt like it wasn’t a holiday movie – just had Christmas tossed in there, and an elf costume.
And it was a bad elf costume.
I get that the point of some of it was to celebrate George Michael’s music, and I will be one of the first to say that we all should be influenced by his genius. But what George did, and what the writers of this movie did are two different things, and one is not a genius.
Emilia Clarke and Henry Golding are both amazing actors, but have absolutely no on screen chemistry. It’s almost like healing from having your vagina waxed with too hot wax, painful to watch, as it feels forced, and sometimes just flat out weird. They feel like brother and sister.
The ending was supposed to be the twist, but it was poorly executed and explained, and left me asking myself what just happened and why.
And look – I made sure no edibles were eaten in the watching of this movie. Completely sober here while watching this shit.
That will just be added to another thing I regret this year.
Last Christmas had potential. Potential that wasn’t reached. And that’s just sad for a movie that had such amazing talent. Also sad because again – it was a WHAM song, which means George Michael, and we don’t disrespect that kind of greatness.
Only this movie did, and I feel angry over it. Because you know, I am sober and it’s the holiday season, a pandemic, and people don’t wear a fucking mask. And I can’t even say it simply that I’m The Grinch, cause NBC has traumatized me with their special and that horrendous costume.