If the Thanksgiving movie trailer is any indication, the horror genre is about to get…Litt Up. And if you don’t know what that means, then clearly, you are not yet watching Suits. Which, like, congratulations on being even less cool than me at this point, seeing as how it’s the coolest
shit show on streaming right now? Anyway. Back to this week’s breaking news. If I had to suffer through this utterly absurd journey, then so do you. Sorry, not sorry.
Ok. So. I was scrolling my timeline—no, not the one on the pro-fascist’s dead bird site. In the Fediverse/on Mastodon—and someone posted a teaser trailer. They said something about it looking hella trashy but fun. (Possibly not in those words…but whatever). That’s kind of the brand for horror lately, which (obviously) means I had to stop what I was doing and click through to see what this latest messy/good time was all about.
Truth be told, I’m not sure what’s the scariest part of this teaser: The footage, that thing on Rick Hoffman’s face, or how quickly I just knew what—or whom—I was listening to when I heard the voiceover. It was like, “Rick?” And then, I listened to half a word before… “Rick?!” Scrolled some more. “Rick?!!!!” Lost my shit, scrolled down to check the credits…and then: “RICK.” Like, yes, my reaction was instant. And my flashbacks about mudding, notes to Norma on the dictaphone, “Pearson. Specter. Litt” (complete with spittle and rage), inexplicably loving Sheila Sazs, eating cock for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and so much more…were real. Here’s hoping nobody in this Thanksgiving movie becomes “the first woman to die with a lawsuit in her ass” while we’re at it…
On the plus side, I guess, Hoffman’s voiceover in the trailer isn’t some soul-crushing resignation letter. It’s all about how “Thanksgiving is a time for appreciation” and such. (Whatever you do, don’t think about the Specter Litt family getting together around the table for dinner. Definitely don’t think about Darvey babies playing with their Litt cousins…) Honestly, let’s just be glad all those potential feelings are sliced, diced, and probably lit on fire by all the footage they’re cut against.
What’s Thanksgiving about?
When you’re not busy being like “sheeeeeeee-iiiit” about the guy who once screamed “do you love Harvey Specter” in a mock trial being part of this film, you might actually want to know what it’s about. Well, color us intrigued by the official synopsis:
“After a Black Friday riot ends in tragedy, a mysterious Thanksgiving-inspired killer terrorizes Plymouth, Massachusetts – the birthplace of the infamous holiday.”
Folks get hella unhinged around Black Friday, and it was only a matter of time before someone started looking for payback. So, sign us up!
As a bonus, the rest of the cast isn’t exactly anything to snub your nose at. For starters, Patrick Dempsey is in the film. Which means, since he’s clearly not against slashers, we need more Detective Kincaid at some point. Other stars include Addison Rae, Milo Manheim, Jalen Thomas Brooks, Nell Verlaque, and Gina Gershon. Any one of them could be the killer, a victim, or even a Final Girl…
But, if you think the reaction is over the top now, just stay far, far away if
Louis Litt Hoffman’s character winds up being the serial killer. After all, is it really that much of a stretch, considering some of the shit Louis got up to?
(No, it is not.)
Watch the Thanksgiving movie teaser trailer here
Check out Thanksgiving, only in theaters, on Friday, November 17. (But are the theaters going to serve prunies with the popcorn? Do those even go with popcorn???)
Are you here for the Thanksgiving movie? Or a little bit too full from feasting on so many weird entries in the genre? Let us know in the comments—especially if you’re ready to get Litt Up!