Being a basic bitch used to be easily distinguishable in the fall. The pumpkin spice latte, flannels, leggings. It was just a part of what defined the basic bitch. But we now live in a different world – where leggings and flannels don’t distinguish. They are part of the pandemic world that we live in.
Lounge wear is the everyday norm. Lattes are homemade. Basic has become the everyday norm. So what is the new basic bitch? Well, as we know the technical definition is, “women who are perceived to prefer mainstream products, trends, and music.”
But the BASIC BITCH has become so much more complicated than that.
As we all change, as life has changed, we have come to appreciate things in a different way. Everything has a different importance in our life. Spending time with people, putting down our phones and electronics, and embracing the simple pleasures are what life is about.
Gone are the days where we are not seeing a life outside of work. Success is defined differently and truly being driven by happiness. Everything hits differently, everything feels different.
So what makes a person a basic bitch now? Well, here’s how we’ve redefined it on the basic level.
BEYOND THE BASIC BLACK LEGGING
Fall is the time when the pre-pandemic basic bitch would thrive. And that is one thing that has not changed. Fall is the reboot of our basicness, it’s when we steer ourselves back to the road that we want to be on.
And part of the fall wardrobe has always been a black legging. And we’re not talking the Lulemon legging – the basic bitch has thriftier tastes now a days. We’re embracing the Amazon and Old Navy, we’re loving our Alo and Beyond Yoga. The basic bitch isn’t only about black leggings. The basic bitch isn’t only about leggings.
The new basic bitch has embraced sweats and joggers and leggings. It’s all about comfort and color. We’ve had to stay inside so much that color has become such an important part of our lives. It makes us smile, makes us want to dance, makes us find happiness.
We’re embracing color and shining bright. You want to be a basic bitch? Let the neon, the neutrals, the vibrant prints in. You can thank us later.
BRAVO, BRAVO, BRAVO
The basic bitch of the pandemic age may have cut the cable cord but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have all the streaming services she needs. And no basic bitch is set without a connection to Bravo.
She can tell any “bravolebrity” and worships at the altar of Paige Desorbo’s fashion. She knows that Hannah Berner was the worst addition to Summer House ever, but hey, everyones gotta build a “career” somehow. She knows what Sewing Down South is and that Kathy Hilton is a gift.
Sure, other channels are great, but the basic bitch has had a pandemic to catch up on Bravo and she’s not apologetic about it.
ZOOM EXPERT (AND YET OVER ZOOM)
We all are Zoom experts by this point. But the modern day basic bitch knows how to navigate Zoom like a champ, but she gold medals at Zoom excuses.
We all thought that working from home would be amazing, until we had to spend our whole day tethered to Zoom and staring at peoples faces. Like no offense office people, but we don’t want to stare at you more than we did while sitting in the cubicle next to you. Hard pass.
So the basic bitch has become accustom to excuses. The camera doesn’t work, means that we’re probably napping or self caring while we should be staring at you. After all, you still look the same as yesterday and we’ve seen you in that same top more than we care to admit.
The basic bitch of the pandemic age knows her excuses. She knows how to be convincing. She knows how to dial in versus show her face. She knows how to multi-task and take a nap while being on a meeting.
The modern day basic bitch is an expert at cramming a weeks worth of work into a few hours. She isn’t allowing Zoom to dictate her life, cause she’s fucking over it.
Don’t get us wrong, flannels will forever be a staple in the basic bitch wardrobe, but she’s evolving. Leisure wear is so everyday. The basic bitch has progressed and has incorporated tie dye into the rotation.
But as everyone has caught on to the tie dye trend, she needs to set herself apart. She needs to look at herself in the mirror and know that she’s fighting for the right of her inner 1990’s child to come out (even if she wasn’t born then, it lives in all of us). She’s got the wide legged jean, crop tops, and would rather die than go low rise.
But above all the basic bitch matches. She thrives in a matching set. She doesn’t care if you don’t like her sweatsuit, the gender neutral ones are the best. The basic bitch is embracing a comfort chic look. The basic bitch looks amazing in whatever she wears.
She wears it with pride.
The basic bitch enjoys shopping on Amazon and using referral links for the influencers that she loves. She doesn’t care that she’s shopping at Old Navy and embraces wearing Skims. The basic bitch has elevated casual fashion.
FUR LINING ISN’T FOR JUST BOOTS
You’re judging yourself right now, because you judged the basic bitch for her love of UGGS. You rolled your eyes at the obviously overpriced shoes and the fact that she tried to make them fit with anything. And she did. She rocks an UGG like no one else’s business.
You may be regretting it now, because the lining is on the outside of everything now. The basic bitch has progressed to sheerling lined birks. fuzz on the outside of everything. Make no mistake, that shit is faux.
Everything from the purse to the shoes is like a sensory item. Its calming in the pandemic age.
Don’t judge the basic bitch as she strokes it like it is a kitty kat. It’s a pandemic, she needs calming shit. She is trying not to become a Xanax addict, but she appreciates a good edible when available.
The basic bitch isn’t ashamed of what she loves.
PUMPKIN’S JUST SO MAINSTREAM
Pumpkin used to be the call sign of the basic bitch, but EVERYONE is doing it and if you know anything about the basic bitch, she’s not like everyone else. Fuck that noise. The basic bitch doesn’t hit the mainstream trends, she sets them.
The basic bitch isn’t buying pumpkin everything. Na, she’s letting you believe that she is though, because she doesn’t want to let you know what she loves in fear you’ll take it all up and with supply chain shortages, she’s looking out for number one.
Pumpkin, sure at one time it was great. But now it’s everywhere and the basic bitch has evolved with the pandemic. She’s got different tastes.
The basic bitch has had to find new treats for herself and she’s done just that. She’s embraced Jeni’s Splendids Ice Creams and orders it like nothing. Sprinkles ice cream is so 2010. Give the basic bitch Kraft Mac & Cheese Ice Cream – she will try it.
She loves an artisan anything. She welcomes not having to make anything at home. A bitch got too good at making bread. A sourdough starter lives in her kitchen at all times. She knows a good charcuterie board.
The basic bitch respects food unlike ever before. She snacks more than she eats a full meal She’s not afraid of carbs. She is not afraid of alcohol. She’s got Loverboy on order.
The basic bitch of the pandemic age has invested in cookbooks. Fuck meal delivery services, she’s learned to make shit in the kitchen. And if all else fails, the basic bitch knows how to Postmate and plate that shit like its her own.
YA, THEY’RE AN OBE FITNESS SUBSCRIBER
The basic bitch has learned that a gym isn’t needed (though we do love one). The basic bitch embraces the environment that she is and can work out with the things at her disposal. She knows how to make can goods work as weights, and has invested in workout bands so she can work out anywhere. She’s taken advantage of the pandemic and has invested in a Pelaton bike. Or you know, she’s bought a stationary bike and uses her TV as the monitor to get her through. She is industrial. The modern basic bitch has an OBE Fitness subscription and has definitely gotten her first month free from a code from some random influencer.
The basic bitch doesn’t break a sweat at a Nordstrom sale anymore, material things are so pre-pandemic. The basic bitch breaks a sweat taking care of herself.
OUTSIDE IS AN ADVENTURE
The basic bitch has been inside for long enough. Sure, she took advantage of walks when we were all in lockdown, and even with the restrictions lifting, she’s still being cautious.
The basic bitch was the first in line when her time came for the vaccine. She sports that fact that she believes in taking care of herself and others, and she ain’t gonna do anything that will put other peoples lives in danger.
She loves her mask and coordinates with outfits, because she’s not gonna be a hot mess. And why is she wearing a mask? Well that is because SHE IS ABOUT TO BE AROUND PEOPLE.
The basic bitch of the pandemic age opens up the door to her home and looks around for anyone that may be in her way. She’s not lost sight it’s a pandemic and she’s making sure that no one is ready to pounce on her like prey.
As she makes her way outside, she’s taking everything in. She’s seeing everything in a brand new light – from the cracks in the sidewalk to the people on the street. The basic bitch is seeing the joy of everything, even though she’s terrified of human contact.
She doesn’t want to take anything for granted, so every single time that she sets foot outside the door, it’s an adventure. And she’s gonna take no moments for granted.
The basic bitch of the pandemic age is ready for adventure, in her pandemic leisure wear, Air Pods in ears, and not giving a fuck about what the world thinks. In this new day and age, she’s gonna be meticulous in her time.
The basic bitch of the pandemic age is a lioness, ready to protect herself in comfort, as well as those around her.
The basic bitch is complex and this list is only the beginning. She’s got so many different qualities, but the thing is, she doesn’t care if she’s called basic. To the basic bitch, all that means is that she’s taking care of herself. And there is nothing wrong with that. Are you a basic bitch?